The Boondocks(With an Arsonist)
by 444teme444
Summary: Hey, so this is like a companion to my other story. Its essentially re-writes of Boondock episodes, but with a certain someone else added in. Hope you enjoy it.
1. Chapter 1

Hi so this I just decided to do this on the stop. I wanted to do re-writes of season 4 episodes but that's been pushed back to April. So I did this instead. Actually wrote this in just one day. Also IMPROTANT but this story is a separate continuity to my other one since that one began after season 3. Then again none of this is really canon to anything is it? But I hope you enjoy and thanks for reading

* * *

><p>Attack of the Killer Kung Fu Wolf Bitch<p>

_For most of my Granddad's romantic life, the internet hadn't been invented yet, so he was still discovering the dangers of online dating._

"An UGLY LIE!"

"Sounds like it's going better than the last one" Michael could hear the exchange all the from the boy's room.

"Can't believe Granddad gets hooked up with all these ugly bitches" Riley snickered.

"Sometimes I think he should just give on woman at this point in his life" Huey said.

"You obviously never even had woman have you? Michael said.

"And you have?" Huey replied sceptically.

"I've seen naked woman. That's good enough for me" Michael grinned.

"You've also seen Granddad naked". Michael dropped his grin and now looked disgusted

"Now why did you have to put that image in my head?" Riley now laughed even harder at Michael expense.

* * *

><p><em>I am the stone that builder refused<em>  
><em> I am the visual<em>  
><em> The inspiration<em>  
><em> That made lady sing the blues<em>

_ I'm the spark that makes your idea bright_  
><em> The same spark<em>  
><em> that lights the dark<em>  
><em>So that you can know your left from your right<em>

_I am the ballot in your box_

_The bullet in your gun _  
><em> The inner glow that lets you know<em>  
><em> To call your brother son<em>  
><em> The story that just begun<em>  
><em> The promise of what's to come<em>  
><em> And I'm 'a remain a soldier till the war is won<em>

* * *

><p>The next morning, the boys were Granddad's room, looking at his most recent online correspondent.<p>

Granddad entered from the bathroom, doing what was either a very good or very disturbing dance.

"Has he stopped yet?" Michael asked, keeping his hand over his face, not wanting to catch a glimpse of Granddad dancing in nothing but his towel…again.

"Yeah boy! She's fine ain't she?"

"And you're sure this is what she looks like?" Huey asked.

"Oh yeah. Your granddaddy ain't falling for that this time. Now I got the video chat!"

"I think it's a set up" Riley said. "It don't make no sense. What would she like you?"

"Cos yo granddaddy gives sweet love" he replied confidently. He moved over to the cupboard to put on his shirt.

"And what do you know about this woman?" Huey asked.

"Well her name is Luna, she's a virgo. Her hobbies include pets, traveling, kickboxing-"

"And stealing from desperate old men" Riley cut across. "Watch when you go to sleep. Bet she have a gang of nigga up in her to rob us. That ain't a good look Granddad"

"Look? Is that some kind of new slang? Is that what is hot in the street? Is what you call really hood?" he asked while making a face. "What don't you give her a chance? You ain't even met her yet"

"Neither have you" Huey countered. "I don't know Granddad. A whole weekend with a whole stranger."

"It's a five hour drive. Either she stays here or else I got to pay for a hotel room. Shoot bad enough I got to pay for all this champagne and new sheets"

"Well if she ain't ugly make sure to get some naked pictures of her" Michael said

"Oh yeah I'll-wait a minute. Naked pictures? What for?" Granddad dropped his smile and looked confused.

"For me" Michael said simply.

"You? What the hell you want naked pictures of her for?"

"Puberty"

"We talked about this already boy. You nine years old. You got to wait for puberty like everybody else" Granddad said sternly.

* * *

><p>The boys waited at the top of the stairs for Granddad's date. When she arrived, Granddad was evidently pleased that she looked like her photo<p>

"Robert. Oh my god. It's so goo to finally meet you" she said.

"My sweet Luna!" Granddad exclaimed happily. "Come on in cutie pie"

"You look just like your picture too" she said. "Except your wearing clothes". At this both of them laughed. As Luna walked in she noticed the boys up the stairs.

"Hi guys, I'm Luna. I hope you don't mind me hanging out with you for the weekend. I'll try and stay out of your way okay?"

"We don't keep cash in the house!" Riley suddenly said. Everyone stared at him for a moment, until Granddad took control of the conversation again.

"So would like a drink maybe or massage or a bath?" He led Luna down into the living room, as the boys watched from the stairs.

"That's a big bitch" Riley concluded.

"Least she ain't ugly" Michael said.

* * *

><p>Later at dinner, the boys listened as Granddad and Luna laughed like crazy.<p>

"That Larry David is something else" Granddad sighed. "So you never told me what kind of dogs you have"

"I have one Dalmatian, two retrievers" she said while counting her fingers.

"Hmm that's nice"

"Oh and about fifteen wolves!"

"Wolves?" they all said, looking up from their plates.

"You mean like…wolves wolves" Granddad frowned.

"Yeah. For some reason wolves really like me. I was raised around wolves. They get a bad rep but really if you aren't afraid to establish dominance, there's nothing wrong with wolves"

"That's uh…fascinating" Granddad said, a little taken back. "So um how long you been kickboxing?"

"Well I do a lot of martial arts. Not exactly kickboxing but their quite similar. It's called white lotus kung fu!"

"White lotus? That's the deadliest style there is" Huey said grimly.

"Yeah and its great exercise" Luna said conversationally.

"You uh never mention that you were a kung fu master" Granddad said, trying to regain his composure

"This crazy ex-boyfriend I had one time. He was a shaolin monk, I learned it from him. Then I had to end up using on him, if you know what I mean?" She started laughing heartily for a second and then stopped very abruptly. An uncomfortable silence came over the room as they stared at her.

"Soooo. Do you fires?" Michael asked casually.

"Oh yeah I love fires. Camp fires, bon fires, oil fires. They keep you nice and warm. And they're really good for searing flesh off bone!"

"That…they are" Michael said slowly.

"Well uh, Michael here really likes fires. And Huey is also very interested in martial arts" Granddad said, trying to put a good spin on this.

Luna gasped slightly and looked to Huey. "Have you heard of the Kumite(**Ka-pow**)?"

"Did you say The Kumite(**Ka-pow**)" Huey questioned .

"Uh huh. The Kumite(**ka-pow**)"

"Kumite(**Ka-pow**)? Michael repeated

"What's a kumite(**ka-pow**)?" Riley asked. Beside him, Michael now was scanning the room, as looking for something out of the ordinary.

"The Kumite(**ka-pow**) is mythical martial arts tournament with the deadliest fighters in the world"

"So you like Jean Claude Van Damme?" Riley grinned. "Damn"

"But I didn't think the Kumite(**Ka-pow**) really existed.

"Oh no" Luna said, with a serous expression. The Kumite(**Ka-pow**) real. It's really real! The Kumite(**Ka-pow**) is held out a fair away mysterious island. So it's a nice getaway"

"Kumite(**ka-pow**)" Michael uttered loudly. He looked around for a second. "Kumite(**ka-pow**)". Again he looked around. "Kumite(**ka-pow**), kumite(**ka-pow**), kumite(**ka-pow**). Kumite(**ka-pow**), kumi-"

"Boy stop saying Kumite(**ka-pow**)!" Granddad ordered. "You're interrupting Luna!"

"Anyway, you get catch up with old friends, see some good matches, get a tan. Good times, good times"

"The Kumite(**ka-pow**) is supposed to be a death match right?" Huey said.

"You ever kill anybody?" Riley asked eagerly.

"Hey everybody has to die sometime" she taking a bite of food. She went on to tell how she defeated a large black man in a match and ripped his heart out.

"I mean I'm like, you kill one man, you kill a dozen. It's all the same. I mean they can only hang ya once, right?" Luna started laughing boisterously. "Am I right or am I right?"

She stared at the Freeman's, waiting for a response. Each one of them now held a different look of terror on their faces.

"Come on don't leave me hanging" she said, her voice dying down a little

"We got to go to the bathroom" they all chimed at once. A second later they rushed out of their seats and made a run down the hallway. Luna watched them go with apprehensive surprise. Michael suddenly came back into the room and quickly grabbed his plate before running off again.

* * *

><p>All four of them stood in the bathroom looking severe, except for Michael who was still eating.<p>

"Thanks for inviting a killer kung fu wolf bitch to the crib Granddad!" Riley shot at him.

"You think I knew she was a killer kung fu wolf bitch!?" Granddad responded indignantly. "She aint said nothing about no damn kumity, kumto, kumite(**ka-pow**). Now y'all just hush. Trying to figure what we gonna do". He paused as he thought for a minute before giving up and turning to Huey.

"Huey what we gonna do?"

"Burn the house down" Michael said in the background.

"You gonna tell her to get the hell outta here!" Huey said to Granddad.

"I'm not gonna tell her to leave. She might hit with one of them exploding nut sack techniques!"

"Then let's just burn the house down" Michael said once again with his mouth full. "I mean won't that accomplish the same thing?"

"We ain't burning the house down" Huey dismissed. "And she ain't really a kung fu master. She's crazy"

"Shiiiit. Then you go kick her ass out!"

"This is your responsibility"

"Hey, I'm willing to stay in the bathroom all night!" Huey shook his head walked to the door. "Where you going?" Granddad asked.

"You guy's…just stay here okay?" he said going out the door

"Go get her Huey" Michael called to him as he left.

"Okay. I got to go the bathroom anyway". Granddad undid his belt and started to take his pants off, while Riley and Michael protested.

"Oh come on Granddad hold it. Hold it!"

"For god sakes I'm eating here!"

"Am old, I can't hold it. You two must be crazy. Telling me to hold it. I got to let it hang loose"

"Awww man!"

Michael soon put his plate down, losing his appetite. He and the others waited patiently for Huey to come back. They then heard the sound of fighting and winched as they heard Huey's grunting. After a few minutes, the door was pushed open by Huey who barely made it inside the bathroom before collapsing to the ground. Everyone crowded around him with looks of worry.

"Let's get out while we can" he whispered quietly

Michael looked back up to Riley and Granddad.

"Well guess this means we burn the house down"

* * *

><p>Luckily, despite Michael's encouragement, they did decided not to burn down the house and managed to make to the next morning. They now were in Granddad's bedroom, trying to figure out what to do next.<p>

"Cant believe I let that big ol woman come into my house and destroy my stuff" Granddad paced up and down the room, while the boys sat on the bed.

"You have to relax Granddad" Huey said.

"How am I supposed to relax?" He stopped his pacing to face Huey. "The woman is a trained killer. Do you know the story of Brenda Richie?"

"You mean Lionel Richie's wife?"

"Ooooh no. Lionel Richie's _ex_-wife. It was 1988…"

"Oh Jesus Christ here we go" Michael moaned in annoyance. They all listened as Granddad told them the story of how Brenda Riche beat the shit out of Lionel Richie after catching him in bed with a white woman

"How do know that's what happened? Where you there?" Huey asked.

"Brenda Richie knew KUNG FU!" Granddad stressed. "Jet magazine said she used to fight in the Kumite(**ka-pow**)"

"Seriously what _is_ that?" Michael looked at the others, as if expecting an explanation, but they all just looked at him with confusion. Huey looked back to Granddad.

"Let's hear the story one more time" he said.

"Okay let me get this right. My cousin Ellie in California passed away very suddenly while working out. And they think it's a heart attack, they're not sure, and we weren't very close. But I need to fly out their immediately to support my family members"

"Good" Huey said, satisfied

"If that don't work we gonna have to shoot that bitch" Riley said.

"Or burn the house down" Michael added.

"You sure she gonna believe that?" Granddad asked Huey.

"Granddad the stories fine. Under no circumstances are you to change that story. Got it?"

* * *

><p>Later Granddad did as was expected and made up a completely different story from Huey's. Something about Fidel Castro's birthday. By some miracle Luna ended up believing it and promptly left. Granddad and the boy's breathed a sigh of relief and toasted to their success.<p>

"Really thought you blew it with that Fidel Castro story" Huey said.

"When he wants to be, your Granddaddy is master of deception" he chuckled.

"Well I still think we should have burned down the house. Can we do that next time we're invaded by a crazy internet woman?" Michael asked, hopefully

"No" Granddad and Huey said at once.

* * *

><p>After going out for a while, the boy's returned to the house, thinking Granddad would be home by now. After they retreated back to their room, they realised he wasn't' there.<p>

"I call his cell" Riley said, picking up the phone. He held up to his ear for a moment. "His phones' dead".

Huey looked past Riley to the window and noticed that it someone had nailed it shut. Before anyone could say anything, the door behind them closed. The boys tried to pull it open, but their efforts were in vain as they could hear the sound of someone drilling outside.

"Don't worry boys" Luna said. "I just want to have a friendly chat with your grandfather about honesty."

"I told you we should have shot that bitch!" Riley yelled as he pulled at the door.

"And I told you we should have burned the house down!"

The boys remained trapped in their room, trying to find any means of escape. They heard the front door open downstairs and later they could distantly hear the sounds of Granddad screaming, meaning Luna had already gotten to him.

Huey tried to pry the door open with his sword, while Riley pulled at the window. Michael stood by the bed and rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"You know, this is all seeming very familiar. Almost like we been in this kind of situation before"

"Don't think so" Huey replied.

"Well we wouldn't be in this situation now, if _someone _had let me start a fire" Michael said irritably.

"How the hell is starting a fire gonna get us out of this situation?"

"Well it won't help now were trapped inside this room now well it?"

"Hey it's Tom!" Riley said. Huey and Michael stopped their arguing and made their way to the window.

"Right on time" Huey said.

"What you mean right on time?" Michael asked

"I sent Tom an e-mail telling him to check on us in case Luna came back"

"And you decided to trust Tom with our lives?" Michael said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Any of you make a sound…" Luna said from the other side of the door. "I will butt rape your grandfather with this broomstick!"

"Boys! Don't make any noise!" they heard Granddad call from down the hallway.

"I say she's bluffing" Michael whispered quickly. "Let's make some noise".

The boys listened as best they could when they heard Luna open the front door. They could faintly hear the sound of Tom and Luna talking, and then someone shout Flawless Victory. Realising that Tom had failed the situation now looked bleak.

"Ahem" . Michael gave Huey and innocent look. Huey stare at him for a minute, beginning to feel desperate.

"Okay if Tom or Granddad can't convince her to let us go, then you can burn the house down"

"Yes!" Michael said, punching the air for a second.

* * *

><p>Somehow Huey's hunch was right on the money, as Granddad had indeed convinced Luna to let them go. Huey avoided Michael's angry glare. From upstairs, they all watched as Luna got into her car.<p>

_And that was the day Miss Luna decided to take responsibility for her own actions_

BOOM!

_Umm…okay. Then that was the day Miss Luna let her girlfriend talk her into blowing herself up instead of taking responsibility for her own actions_

"Man this weekend sucked." Riley complained overcoming his shock. "And it was all yo fault Granddad"

"Wasn't my fault" Granddad denied, walking away from the window. "It was that crazy ass Luna's fault for not taking reasonability. God rest her poor soul"

"Well you know" Michael said pointedly as he stood beside Huey at the window. "All this could have been avoided if we had just burned down-"

"Shut the hell up Michael!" Granddad yelled back at him. "Always going on about burning down my house. When I want to burn down the house then I'll ask you. Till then you can shut the hell up"

"Man you could have at least gotten some naked pictures of her before she blew herself up. Now this is ol bullshit" Michael muttered in annoyance as he moved away from the window, leaving Huey be himself.

* * *

><p>PS. I wont be writing episodes in order. (Forgot to add the theme song) . I may do requests, but only if I can put Michael in the story otherwise in might just be the same. Peace out<p> 


	2. The Story of Catcher Freeman Part 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

The Story of Catcher Freeman. Part 1

"That was a bunch of bullshit!" Granddad said to Huey.

"On that we can wholeheartedly agree" Ruckus mumbled in conjunction.

"It can't be bullshit. He read it off Wikipedia" Michael said, sitting beside Riley on the couch.

"Well of course its bullshit. Catcher Freeman weren't no son of no white man" Ruckus said with contempt at Huey's version of the story. "If that was true it'd mean Robert and all these niggas in his family have white man blood in their veins which by the far the most preposterous thing imaginable. The only thing more preposterous would a black man actually becoming president someday."

"Anyway stories time over" Granddad stood up, looking pretty annoyed. "Everybody go do something else"

"Yo hold up. None of y'all heard my story bout Catcher Freeman yet" Riley interjected.

"Boy we're all tired of hearing stories about Catcher Freeman" Granddad grumbled.

"Yeah but I was gonna tell the best one yet. In mine Catcher Freeman would have had 300 hoes led by Thelma and he'd be riding on a 24 chrome with machine guns in the rims. Come on Granddad, please? Can't we just hear one more story bout Catcher Freeman?"

Granddad looked down at Riley with a stern face until he sighed tiredly. "All right fine. One more." Granddad sharply turned his head and pointed at Michael.

"Michael, you us tell a story about Catcher Freeman!" he ordered.

"Me?" Michael said with surprise.

"What?!" Riley shouted. "That ain't fair Granddad! Michael ain't even related to Catcher Freeman. Why does he get to tell a story?"

"Cos he didn't interrupt me as much as you did" Granddad shot at Riley, before turning back to Michael. "Alright now Michael. Either make yo story a heart-warming tale of action, adventure and romance or a comical satire with subtle racial jabs at modern black culture"

"Uhhh…" Michael thought about it for a second, before an idea seemed to form in his head. "Oooh I think I got something"

"Well let's hear it already" Granddad sounded like he wasn't expecting much.

"Oh now this well be something" Ruckus said with warmth. "I bet little Michael's gonna give us a real treat with his story telling skills"

"Whatever he says won't be as good as my story of Catcher Freeman would have been" Riley muttered angrily.

"Well, might as well hear it I guess" Huey added, willing to hear another story.

"Okay". Michael got off the couch and then stood up onto the coffee table in front of everyone. He took a deep breath as if to collect before he began. "Alright. So now we go back to a time where not all men-"

"Boy what the hell you doing?" Granddad asked.

"I'm...setting the mood" Michael replied slowly.

"You can't do that on the floor? Why the hell you standing on the coffee table for?"

"Well just though it would add some effect"

"I didn't add any damn dramatic effect to my story. I told it sitting on my chair, so you can do that to and not stand on my good table with yo dirty shoes!"

"Granddad, let Michael tell his story the way he wants to" Huey said. "That's way its fair". On Huey's right side, Riley made a distinctive 'huff' sound in his throat.

"Fine. But take yo shoes off boy" Granddad said sternly. Michael sighed in exasperation as he removed his shoes and stood on the table with just his socks.

"So now we go back to a time where not all men were created equal" he resumed. "A time where freedom was a given for some and desperate dream for others. It was a time where cruelty and brutality were seen as a common norm. A time where a black man was considered nothing more than a mere slave. But then a slave bound in iron chains, one day broke free, with the help of an unlikely ally and soon enough that slave became something far more than a mere man. He became a legend!"

"Booooo! Yo story sucks" Riley called out. Granddad delivered a quick smack to the back of Riley's head to shut him up.

* * *

><p>The Story of Catcher Freeman<p>

In the year 1858, two years before the civil war, a group of five black slaves were being herded through a vast and scorching desert somewhere in the middle of Texas, by two white men on horses. The slaves were all chained together by their feet and each one of them had whipping scars etched across their back. In the middle of the party was Catcher Freeman, a seemingly average slave, who looked no different than the others, save for his rugged afro.

"_Oh shit. Them niggas look fucked up" Riley said._

"_Wow Catcher Freeman look good with an afro" Granddad observed. "I should've given him an afro in my story"_

"_Why are they in Texas?" Huey asked. "Catcher Freeman was working on a cotton plantation"_

"_Look at them niggas. Can't even find their way out of the desert without a white man to guide them. Two white men in fact. And look at that. They have to be chained together by their feet so that they don't get themselves lost with their terrible sense of direction"_

"_Okay if you guys are going to do that through the whole story, then this is gonna take a while" Michael said before resuming his tale._

Sometime later at night time, the group walked through the woods. The two men on horse halted and the slaves did the same, when they saw a light ahead in the distance. Approaching them was a man riding a cart being pulled by a horse. On the roof of the cart was a large wooden tooth, bobbing back and forward on a metal spring.

"Who's that there stumbling around in the dark?" called one of the men on the horses. "State your business or prepared to get winged!"

"Calm yourselves gentlemen" the rider called with a distinctive German accent. He pulled the reins on his horse, bringing the cart to a halt in front of them. "I mean you no harm. I'm simply a fellow weary traveller".

The German man lifted up his lantern and from here the slavers and the slaves could clearly make him out. They could see he had a thick grey beard and that he was wearing a grey business men like suit, underneath a grey coat and had bowler hat on his head.

"_Is that Christoph Waltz?" Huey asked_

"_No"_

"_Look like Christoph Waltz with a beard" Riley added._

"_Look it doesn't matter who he looks like! This is just a visual thing"_

The German man looked at the two slavers. "Good evening gentlemen" he said politely. "I'm looking for a pair of slave traders who go by the name of the Speck brothers. Would that be you?"

"Who wants to know?" asked one of the brothers.

"I do. I am Dr King Schultz, and this is my horse, Fritz". The horse bowed his head a little at the mention of his name.

"_Who the hell is this guy?" Granddad asked._

"_I'll explain that in a minute"_

"You a doctor?" the second brother asked.

"Affirmative"

"What kinda doctor?"

"Dentist"

"_Buuuulllllllll. I've seen the Hangover. A dentist ain't a real doctor"_

"Did you purchase those men at the Greenville Slave Auction" he asked, pointing to the slaves.

"So what?"

"So I wish to parley with you"

"Speak English!"

"Oh I'm sorry. Please forgive me, it is a second language. Amongst your inventory I've been led to believe, is a specimen I'm keen to acquire". Schultz stood up his cart to look at the slaves.

"Hello you poor devils. Is there one amongst you, who was formerly a resident of the Carrucan Plantation?"

"I'm from the Carrucan Plantation" called out a voice. Schultz got off his cart and carried his lantern with him. He found the slave that spoke and moved closer to look him right in the eye.

"What's your name?" the doc…uh dentist asked the slave.

"Catcher" he replied.

"Then you're exactly the one I'm looking for" he said with a smile. "So tell me Catcher, during you time at the Carrucan Planation, did you know happen to three overseers by the name of the Brittle brothers?"

"Yeah"

"Big John, Ellis and little brother Raj?"

"Dem da Brittle brothers" Catcher nodded.

"So Catcher, do you think you could recognise…"

"Hey! Stop talking to him like that!" said the lead brother from behind Schultz, who had grown tired of their exchange. Schultz turned back to him with some confusion.

"Like what?" he asked politely.

"Like that"

"My dear sir, I am simply trying to ascertain... "

"I said speak English, goddamn it!"

"Everybody calm down" Schultz raised his hands up, calmly trying to defuse the situation. "I'm simply a customer trying to conduct a transaction."

"I don't care. No sale. Now off with you" Speck ordered

"Oh don't be ridiculous. Of course there for sale" Schultz chuckled lightly.

The slaver now pointed his gun directly at Schultz. "Move it"

"My good man, did you simply get carried away with your dramatic gesture, or are you pointing your weapon at me with lethal intention? " Schultz spoke very calmly and didn't seem the least bit intimidated.

Speck replied by cocking his gun threateningly. "Last chance, fancy pants."

"Oh well, very well." Schultz said a little wearily. In a swift motion, he suddenly dropped the lantern he was holding to the ground, covering himself in darkness. In that darkness, Schultz pulled out his gun and shot the other man right in the face, knocking him off his horse. He then shot the second brother's horse in its head, causing it to collapse to the ground, trapping the man's leg underneath.

"_Holy shit!" Riley said in surprise. "He shot that guy in the face! And he blew horses brains all over the place. Damn!"_

The second brother screamed loudly, his leg crushed by the weight of the horse. "You goddamn son of a bitch! You shot Ace!"

Schultz picked his lantern back up and stood the slaver. "I only shot you brother, once he threatened to shoot _me_. And I do believe I have about five witnesses who can attest that fact". He indicated back to the slaves

"My leg's broken!"

"No doubt. If you could keep your caterwauling to a minimum while I finish my line of inquiry with young Catcher".

"_Those poor white men" Ruckus said with sympathy. "Just minding their own business, generously helping a bunch of lost little niggas get out of the desert and then they get ambushed by some crazy Nazi dentist_

"_This was before WW2. Nazism didn't exist back then" Huey pointed out._

Schultz returned to Catcher, who seemed to be slightly more afraid of the man after what he just witnessed. "Now as I was saying, if you were to see the Brittle brothers again, you could recognise them?"

"Yeah" Catcher nodded in confirmation.

"Sold America!" Schultz looked back down to Speck. "Mr Speck? How much for young Catcher?" Speck only replied with more screams. Schultz shrugged and unshackled Catcher.

"That iron is nasty business. Now Catcher get up on that horse. And if I were you, I would take that coat that the dearly departed Speck left behind". Following Schultz's suggestion Catcher took off his blanket and walked over to the coat.

"Nigga! Don't you touch my brother's coat!" the remaining Speck brother warned.

Catcher didn't give a response but instead walked over to the trapped man and roughly pressed his foot onto the dead horse, prompting the Speck brother to scream and curse loudly.

"_Oh shut that bitch up!" Riley grinned._

Catcher put on the coat and got up the horse. Schultz tossed some money down to Speck and wrote out a bill of sales for Catcher. After that he climbed back onto his cart and pulled it over alongside the slaves.

"Now as to you poor devils. So as I see it, when it comes to the subject of what to do next, you gentlemen have two choices. One: once I'm gone, you could lift that beast off the remaining Speck, then carry him to the nearest town. Which would be at least 37 miles back the way you came. Or two: You could unshackle yourselves, take that rifle, put a bullet in his head, bury the two of them deep, and then make your way to a more enlightened area of this country. The choice is yours. Oh, and on the off chance there are any astronomy aficionados amongst you, the North Star is that one. Tata!" He tossed them the keys to their shackles and flicked the reins on Fritz, who pulled the cart forward.

As Schultz rode off into the woods, Catcher paused for a moment to look back at the other slaves who slowly advanced toward the trapped Speck.

Catcher watched in silence as they lifted the horse off the man and then proceeded to build a split for his leg. They then made a makeshift stretcher, doing as Schultz suggested and began the long and arduous journey of carrying the man all the way back to town. There he received medical treatment he needed, but the slaves were almost immediately captured and sold once again.

"_Is that what really happened?" Huey asked sceptically._

"_That's a bunch of bullshit" Riley said. "If that was me, I would have blown that niggas brains out"_

"_Fine" Michael sighed wearily._

Catcher watched as the slaves blew the slavers brains out with his own shotgun.

"_There. Happy?"_

* * *

><p>Later the next day, Catcher and Schultz found their way into a small town. As they made entered, it began clear that they were setting off a bad image. Just everybody was eyeing Catcher with dirty looks, having never seen a nigga on a horse.<p>

"What that nigga doing on that horse?" said a random person with a very modern version of incredulity.

Pitching their horses, Schultz led Catcher into a local tavern, where they found the inn keeper on a stool fixing a light.

"Good morning inn keeper!" Schultz greeted, his arm around Catcher's shoulder. "Two beers for two weary travellers"

"It's still early" the man replied, his back turned to them. "We don't open for another hour and-whoa!" He turned around with shock at the sight of Catcher. "What the hell you doing?! Get hat nigga out of here!"

A few minutes later, the inn keeper ran out of the tavern and down the road. Schultz ran out after him and called out for him.

"Inn keeper! Remember get the sheriff, not the marshal!" After that, Schultz re-entered the tavern and looked at Catcher.

"Alas we must be act as our own bartenders. Please have a seat". Schultz gestured to a nearby tale and motioned for Catcher to sit. Catcher did as he was asked and watched as Schultz moved behind the counter, to get their drinks.

"What kind of dentist are you?" Catcher asked him, becoming very nervous about his new master.

"Ha!" Schultz chuckled, as he poured the beer from the tap into two glasses. "Despite that cart, I haven't practiced dentistry in five years. But these days, I practice a new profession. Bounty hunter" Schultz finished as set out the drinks. "Do you know what a bounty hunter is?

"No" Catcher shook his head.

Schultz picked up the beer and walked back over to Catcher

"Well, the way the slave trade deals in human lives for cash, a bounty hunter deals in corpses". He placed the drinks on the table, giving one of them to Catcher. Schultz then held out his glass and waited for Catcher to do the same. Catcher clinked his glass with Schultz's and they each took a sip of their beers, which was something Catcher had never tasted before.

"The state places a bounty on a man's head" Schultz continued, setting down his glass. "I track that man, I find that man, I kill that man. After I've killed him, I transport that man's corpse back to the authorities. Sometimes that's easier said than done. I show that corpse to the authorities, proving yes, indeed, I truly have killed him, at which point the authorities pay me the bounty. So, like slavery, it's a flesh for cash business." Schultz waved his hand absently as took another drink.

"What's a bounty? Catcher asked.

"It's like a reward"

"You kill people? And they give you a reward?"

"Certain people, yeah"

"Bad people?"

"The badder they are, the bigger the reward. Which brings me to you". Schultz eyed Catcher for a moment from his seat. "And I must admit, I'm at a bit of a quandary when it comes to you. On one hand, I despise slavery. On the other hand, I need your help, if you're not in a position to refuse, all the better. So, for the time being, I'm gonna make this slavery malarkey work to my benefit. Still, having said that, I feel guilty"

Schultz paused for a moment as Catcher took another sip of his beer.

"So, I would like the two of us to enter into an agreement". Catcher now stared at Schultz curiously as he leaned forward.

"I'm looking for the Brittle brothers. However, at this endeavour, I'm at a slight disadvantage insofar as I don't know what they look like. But you do. Don't ya? "

Catcher leaned in closer to Schultz with a hard stare. "Oh, I know what they look like, all right"

"Good. So here's my agreement: You travel with me until we find them...

"Where we goin'?" Catcher asked quickly.

"I hear at least two of them are overseeing up in Gatlinburg, but I don't know where. That means we visit every plantation in Gatlinburg till we find 'em. And when we find them, you point them out, and I kill them."

Catcher let a small smirk at the idea of killing the Brittle brothers

"You do that, I agree to give you your freedom; $25 per Brittle brother. $75"

"_Aw man that chump change"_

"And as if on cue, here comes the sheriff" Schultz pointed out the window with a smile. At the mention of this, Catcher immediately stood out of his seat.

The sheriff, a somewhat overweight man with had a shotgun slung over his right shoulder entered he tavern. Standing behind him was the inn keeper, along with the rest of the towns people who watching anxiously.

"Alright boys. Fun's over" he said. "Come on out". The sheriff walked back outside and spoke to the towns people. "It's okay folks, these jokers will be gone soon".

Schultz stepped out of his seat and together he and Catcher walked outside to join the sheriff. He looked back at them as they were a pair of troublesome children.

"Now why y'all come up in here and start up all this trouble. Scare all these nice people. You ain't got nothing better to do than to walk into Bill Sharps town and show your ass?"

Schultz moved forward and extended his hand. There then came the sound of gears moving and then a small gun popped itself out of Schultz sleeve. He shot the sheriff right in the stomach, causing him to stumble back in pain and then fall flat on his back. Schultz causally strolled around him until, he nonchalantly shot him in the head, killing him.

"_Oh man. That Dr Schultz is a badass!" Riley said, growing more and more impressed. "He got a hidden gun up his sleeve like in Assassin's creed and he just shot the sheriff"_

All the townspeople broke into a panic and ran away screaming in different direction. The only one who remained was the inn keeper.

"Now you can get the marshal" Schultz smiled pleasantly to him.

* * *

><p>Catcher looked out the window in complete terror as the marshal did in indeed come and had now rallied the entire town into action. He had at least two dozen men posted just about everywhere and they all had their guns pointed right at the tavern.<p>

"_Oh man, I bet this gonna be an epic shootout scene" Riley said._

Schultz didn't seem the least bit concerned however and was very calmly preparing what seemed to be a letter. After a few minutes, the marshal demanded that they come out with their hands up.

"Is this the marshal I have the pleasure of addressing?" Schultz called back out.

"Yes it is, this is U.S. Marshall Gill Tatum" he called back.

"Wunderbar! So marshal, I have relieved myself of all weapons, and just as you have instructed, I'm ready to step outside with my hands raised above my head. I trust as a representative of the criminal justice system of The United States of America, I shan't be shot down in the street, by either you or your deputies, before I've had my day in court."

"Well, as much as we'd all enjoy seeing something like that, ain't nobody gonna cheat the hangman in my town!" the marshal replied.

"Fair enough marshal, here we come!" Schultz, with the letter in hand, pulled Catcher closer to speak.

"They're a little tense out there" he whispered. "So don't make any quick movements, and let me do the talking."

Catcher looked like he was about to say, 'as if'. He and Schultz exited the tavern with their hands raised high. Schultz was still holding the letter upwards.

"You unarmed?" asked the marshal"

"Yes indeed we are. Marshal Tatum, may I address you, your deputies, and apparently the entire town of Daughtrey, as to the incident that just occurred?" Schultz asked respectfully.

"Go on" said the marshal, deciding to humour them for a moment.

"Very well. My name is Dr. King Schultz, and like yourself, Marshall, I am a servant of the court. The man lying dead in the dirt, who the good people of Daughtrey saw fit to elect as their sheriff, who went by the name of Bill Sharp, is actually a wanted outlaw by the name of Willard Peck, with a price on his head of 200 dollars. Now, that's 200 dollars, dead or alive"

"The hell you say!" the marshal responded with disbelief

"I'm aware this is probably disconcerting news. But I'm willing to wager this man was elected sheriff sometime in the last two years?" The marshal gave Schultz slow nod.

"I know this because three years ago, he was rustling cattle from the B.C. Corrigan Cattle Company of Lubbock, Texas. Now, this is a warrant" he indicated to the letter in his hand. "Made out by circuit court Judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin Texas. You're encouraged to wire him. He'll back up who I am, and who your dear departed sheriff was".

All the towns people now lowered their guns, no idea what they should do. The marshal himself seemed be to at a loss for words.

"In other words Marshal" Schultz said lowering his hands. "You owe me 200 dollars.

"I'll be damned!" Catcher muttered under his breath as he lowered his hands as well.

"_Okay so that weren't no shoot out scene, but damn. Dr Schultz can talk them niggas silly. He one cool nigga not to even sweat when he got a dozen guns in his face!"_

* * *

><p>After they left the town and Schultz got his money, he and Catcher set up camp in the hills. As Schultz was getting changed, Catcher was eating a meal by the camp fire.<p>

"After this Brittle business is behind us, you have your freedom, a horse and $75 dollars in you back pocket. What's you plan after that?" Schultz asked Catcher.

"Find my wife. Buy her freedom" he replied.

"_Is that Thelma he's talking about?" Granddad asked. "Where's she at?"_

"_Catcher is about to explain that part if you would stop interrupting" Michael snapped._

"I didn't know you were a married man. Do most slaves believe in marriage?"

"Me and my wife do. Old man Carrucan didn't, that's why he try to run off. But they caught us. And then sold us at Greenville. But he sold us separate"

"In Greenville, there should be a record's office" Schultz took seat near Catcher and poured him some water. "You would need to know when she was sold, where she came from and her name. What is her name anyway?"

"Broomhilda" Catcher answered.

"What?" Schultz suddenly reacted to the name.

"Broomhilda" Catcher repeated.

"Broomhilda?!"

"_Who's Broomhilda?" Granddad frowned. "What happened to Thelma?"_

"_It's the same person" Michael said._

"_Why's her name different?" Huey asked._

"_It'll be important later on"_

"Where her owners German?"

"Yeah" Catcher nodded. "She speaks a little German too"

"She _what?_"

"She wasn't born on the Carrucan plantation. She was raised a German Mistress, the Von Shafts. They taught her German so she'd have someone to speak German with"

"Let me get this straight" Schultz said, as he seemed to be in a state of disbelief. "Your slave wife speaks German and her name is Broomhilda Von Shaft?!"

Once again, Catcher nodded.

The next day, Catcher and Schultz found another town, where Schultz led Catcher into a tailors shop.

"When we gain access to these plantations, we will be putting on an act and you'll be playing a character. But during the act, you can never break character. And your character is that of the valet"

"What that is?" Catcher asked, as he looked over some of the hats on the rack.

"It's a fancy word for servant. And now Catcher, you may choose your characters costume"

"You gonna let me pick out my own clothes?"

"But of course" Schultz replied. Taking his word, Catcher looked over the all the different costumes before one caught his eye.

Catcher, his afro now gone, rode on his own horse alongside Schultz across a sugar plantation. All of the black women working in the field stopped what they were doing to take a gander at Catcher. Though it was inexplicable enough for them to see a black man riding a horse, what made more bizarre was the fancy blue satin outfit he was wearing.

"_Catcher Freeman actually wore that?" Riley said in disbelief. "That is the gayest outfit I ever seen. Never catch me wearing something like that. When I want to ride through a sugar plantation field and impressing a bunch of slaves, I'd do it wearing some real nigga clothes, like some baggy jeans ,a tank top couple of chains and a do rag."_

Catcher and Schultz reached the large mansion in the centre of the plantation. Up on the balcony was a man dressed in a white suit and with a cane.

"_Is that Colonel Lynchwater?" Granddad asked. "Does he have Thelma locked up somewhere?"_

"_That's Big Daddy" Huey answered._

"_I never said who he was yet" Michael said._

"_You were gonna call him Big Daddy. All southern slave barons are called Big Daddy"_

"_Colonel Lynchwater wasn't named Big Daddy" Granddad said._

"_He would be in Tennessee"_

"_Well maybe if you could stop interrupting the story you'd find out for yourself" Michael said, growing impatient._

"Pardon me my good sir" Schultz called up to the man. "Are you by chance a Mr Spencer Bennett? Alternatively known as Big Daddy?"

"_Told you"_

"_Huey shut up!" Michael snapped._

"Yes I am. And it's against the law for niggas to ride horses on my land" Big Daddy called down to them.

"This is my valet" Schultz replied. "And my valet does not walk"

"I said _niggas_ on horses…"

"His name is Catcher" Schultz said pointedly. "He's a free man and he can ride what he pleases"

"Not on _my_ property. Not around _my_ niggas he can't!"

"My good sir. Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot. Allow me to un-ring this bell. My name is Dr King Schultz"

"_He ain't a doctor, he's a dentist" Riley called out as if they could hear him._

"This is my valet Catcher. These are our horse Tony and Fritz. Now Mr Bennet, I've been led to believe you're a gentlemen and a business man. And it is these attributes that we've ridden from Texas to Tennessee to parley with you now. I wish to purchase one of your nigga gals"

"You and your Jimmie" Big Daddy pointed his fingers at them with some disbelief. "Rode all the way from Texas to Tennessee to buy one of my nigga gals, no appointment, no noithin?"

"Well I'm afraid so"

"Well what if I say I don't like you" he said in hostile manner. "Or your fancy pants nigga, and I wouldn't sell you a tinkers damn! Now, what'cha gotta say about that?"

Schultz shared a brief look with Catcher before speaking again.

"Mr Bennett. If you are the business man I've been led to believe you to be, I have five thousand things I might say that could change your mind."

Big Daddy paused again for a moment. He then immediately dropped his aggresive demeanour and now beckoned them welcomingly. "Well, c'mon inside and get yourself somethin' cool to drank!"

Schultz stepped off the cart and walked up the stairs of the balcony as Big Daddy descended a few steps to greet him.

"Maybe while we discuss business, you could have one of your loveliest black creatures to escort Catcher around you magnificent ground?" Schultz suggested.

"Absolutely. Uh, Bettina? Big Daddy pointed at one of the girls.

"Yes sir, Big Daddy?" she answered quickly. Big Daddy briefly turned back to Schultz

"Uh... What's your Jimmie's name again?"

"Catcher". Big Daddy turned back to the girl again.

"Bettina, sugar, could you take Catcher there and take him around the grounds here and show him all the pretty stuff? "

"As you please, Big Daddy"

"Oh, Mr. Bennett" Schultz moved forward. "I must remind you, Catcher is a free man. He cannot be treated like a slave. He, within the boundaries of good taste, must be treated as an extension of myself."

"Understood" Big Daddy nodded. "Bettina, sugar? "

"Yes? "

"Catcher isn't a slave. Catcher is a free man. You understand?" he said, trying to make it as simple as possible. "You can't treat him like any of the other niggas around here, 'cause he ain't _like_ any of the other niggas around here."

"_Ha! And George Bush doesn't have an IQ of 215" Ruckus scoffed._

"You want I should treat him like white folks?" Bettina asked uncertainly.

"No, that's not what I said!" he snapped.

"Then I don't know what you want, Big Daddy"

"Yes, I can see that". Bid Daddy now seemed to be a loss of what do himself until he turned to another slave woman near him. "What's the name of that peckerwood boy from town that works with the glass? His momma work at the lumberyard"

"You mean Jerry? "

"That's the boy's name, Jerry!" he looked down at Bettina again. "You know Jerry, don't ya, sugar? "

"Yes, Big Daddy" she nodded.

"Well, that's it then! Just treat him like you would Jerry!"

"_Who's Jerry?" Granddad asked._

"_I don't know. I think he was like some retard"_

"_Now that makes perfect sense" Ruckus said_

* * *

><p>Betina took Catcher showed the grounds as Schultz did business with Big Daddy. But this was all part of the plan. Catcher was keeping an eye out for the Brittle brothers since he was the only one who knew what they looked like for definite and they couldn't afford to kill the wrong person.<p>

But that wouldn't happen. Catcher could never forget their faces. He remembered how they cruelly punished him when he tried to escape and how they whipped his wife mercilessly as he watched, begging them to stop

"I like the way you beg boy" John Brittle laughed at him.

"So what cha do for yo masta?" Betina asked him.

"Didn't you hear him tell ya? I ain't no slave"

"So you is free?"

"Yeah I is free"

"They you actually want to dress like that?" she asked, looking at his outfit.

"_Oh see even that hoe knows that a gay outfit"_

Catcher ignored her comment and decided to get the point of the matter. "Betina. I'm looking for three white men. They brothers. Overseers by the name Brittle"

"I don't know dem" Betina shook her head simply.

"They may be using a different name. The woulda come here in the last year"

"You mean the Shaffers?" she asked.

"Maybe. They here?"

"One's over there" she pointed to a man on the other side of the field. Though he was far away, Catcher could clearly make him out. It was Ellis Brittle.

"Where they the other two?" he asked Betina. She pointed again in the direction of a barn.

"They over there whippin Little Jody at the stable"

"Go get that white man I came with" Catcher ordered, as he marched down to the barn. As he approached he found the other two brothers. Big John was preparing to whip the girl named Jody and little brother Raj was seating, watching from a cart.

John Brittle had Little Jody tied up against a tree, her bare back exposed. He stood about yard away from her, with a whip in hand.

"_What a tragedy" Ruckus said solemnly. "Now that there black woman must have done something so terrible, so horrific, so disrespectful, that it would actually _force_ her humble and kind white masters to resort to such severe punishment"_

"This ill teach you not to break eggs again" John Brittle said as he swung the whip backwards.

"John Brittle!" Big John stopped as turned around to Catcher standing behind him. His brother and all the other slavers nearby stopped to watch as Catcher slowly walked forward.

"Remember me?" he asked. It was then that Catcher pulled out the same hidden Dillinger device Schultz had used before from up his sleeve and with it, shot John Brittle in the chest. Big John did nothing but gap at the sight of Catcher and looked down at his bullet wound.

"I like the way you die, boy" Catcher said in very cool manner. And that was the last thing John Brittle heard before he dropped dead.

Still in shock, little Raj fumbled with his gun and dropped it. Moiving quickly, Catcher garbbed Big John's whip and when was close enough he used it to viscously whip little Raj. After he was done, Catcher picked up the gun little Raj had dropped and emptied everything round into him. All the slaves watched him with what could only be complete awe.

"_He'd still be a lot cooler looking if he wore something that an actual action hero would wear" Riley said pointedly._

"_That was amazing! Now that's Catcher Freeman alright!" Granddad said with applause_

"_That is most sickening sight I have ever seen. A white man whipped by a nigga. Like watching cat chasing a dog. It's completely backwards!"_

Schultz soon joined Catcher, his rifle in hand and looked at the two dead men.

"Who were they?" he asked Catcher.

"That Big John" he pointed at the one. "And that little Raj. And that Ellis hightailing it across the field". Catcher pointed to the man who was escaping on a horse. Schultz readied his rifle and took aim at Ellis.

"You sure that's him?" Schultz asked Catcher.

"Yeah" Catcher replied.

"Positive?"

"I dunno"

"You don't know if you're positive?"

"I don't know what positive mean"

"It means you're sure"

"Yes"

"Yes what?"

"Yes I'm sure that's Ellis Brittle"

Schultz fired his rifle and shot the remaining Brittle brother right off his horse.

"I'm positive he dead" Catcher said after the body hit the ground. It wasn't long after he did, that Big Daddy and a posse of angry looking men appeared. Schultz quickly dropped his rifle and motioned for Catcher to do the same.

"Just who the hell are you two jokers?" Big Daddy demanded.

"I am Schultz, a legal representative of the criminal justice system of the United States of America. The man to my left is Catcher Freeman, he's my deputy. In my pocket is a warrant signed by circuit court judge Henry Allen Laudermilk of Austin Texas, for the arrest and capture, dead or alive, of John Brittle, Ellis Brittle, and Roger Brittle"

"They were goin by the name Shaffer" Catcher mentioned.

"You know them by the name, Shaffer. But the butcher's real names were Brittle. These are wanted men. The law wants them for murder. I reiterate, this warrant states dead or alive. When Catcher and myself executed these men on sight, we were operating within our legal boundaries. Now I realize passions are high. But I must warn you, the penalty for taking deadly force against an officer of the court in the performance of his duty is, you will be hung by the neck until you are dead."

This seems to momentarily placate the mob.

"May I please remove the warrant from my pocket so you may examine it?" Schultz asked Big daddy, with his hands still raised. Big Daddy paused for a moment, before putting his gun down and extending his hand out.

"Gimme". Schultz handed him the paper. He read it over for a second and looked back to Schultz He looked like he would still love to kill him and Catcher, but he chose not to follow through.

"Get off my land" he said curtly as he gave the letter back to Schultz.

"Of course" Schultz said gratefully. He turned back to Catcher with some urgency." Load up the bodies as quickly as you can, and let's get out of here"

* * *

><p>Catcher and Schultz set up camp in the middle of an open clearing. Catcher was a little curious when he saw Schultz open a secret lid from the giant wooden tooth on the cart. Inside of it was a wade of bills. Schultz removed it and placed a stick of dynamite into it.<p>

Unfortunately Big Daddy had followed them and saw their cart from up on the hill. Behind him was a small band of man on horses, carrying torches. They all were wearing a white bag with eye holes on their heads.

"_Oh no! It's the KKK" Granddad said with worry. "How is Catcher and whatshisname gonna get out of this?"_

"_Haha! Now we get to see some real justice be done by a group of fine upstanding citizens!" Ruckus cheered_

Big Daddy was on a white horse and addressed all of the men.

"Now unless they start shooting first, nobody shoot 'em. That's way too simple for these jokers. We're gonna whoop that nigga lover to death! And I am personally gonna strip and clip that gaboon myself!

"_Ha Gaboon. Now that's a good one!" _

Big Daddy put on his mask, but it looked as though something was wrong "Oh damn!" He started turning his head back and forward. "I can't see fuckin' shit outta this thing"

"We ready or what?" asked one of the men in the crowd

"Hold on, I'm fuckin' with my eye holes" .Big Daddy took off his bag and tried to widen the holes on the mask a little, but stopped after he heard a loud rip. "Ah, just made it worse"

"Who made this goddamn shit?" someone else asked.

"Willard's wife" another man answered

"Well make your own goddamn mask!" Willard shouted from the back of the crowd.

"Look, nobody's sayin' they don't appreciate what Jenny did" Big Daddy said very kindly to Willard

"Well, if all I had to do was cut a hole in a bag, I coulda cut it better than this! What about you, Robert? Can you see?"

"Not too good" the man beside him said. "I mean, if I don't move my head I can see you pretty good, more or less. But when I start riding, the bag's moving all over, and I - I'm riding blind"

"Shit. I just made mine worse". Some others were now trying to fix their eye holes, without success. "Anybody bring any extra bags?

"No! Nobody brought an extra bag!"

"I'm just asking"

"Do we have to wear them as we ride?"

"Well o course!" Big Daddy yelled. "If you don't wear them as you ride, then that juts defeats the whole purpose"

"Well I can't see in this fucking thing! I can't breathe in this fucking thing and I can't ride in this fucking thing!"

"Well fuck all y'all!" Willard yelled angrily. "I'm going home. I watched my wife work all day, getting thirty bags ready for you ungrateful sons of bitches and all I hear is criticize, criticize, criticize! From now on don't ask me or mine for nothing!". With that Willard rode back home to see his beautiful wife.

"_Man that Jenny must suck if she can't cut a hole in a bag"_

"_Boy shut up" Granddad said. "That poor Jenny worked really hard on those bags, so show you some respect"_

"_You want him to show respect for someone's craftsmanship of a KKK mask?" Huey said cynically._

"_Will you stop interrupting god damn it!"_

"Now look" Big Daddy said. "Let's not forget why we're here. We gotta kill a nigger over that hill there! And we gotta make a lesson out of him!

"Okay, I'm confused. Are the bags on or off? " someone asked.

"I thank" Robert spoke up. "We all thank the bags was a nice idea. But I'm not pointin' any fangers. Think it coulda been done better. So, how 'bout, no bags this time? But next time, we do the bags right, and then we go full regalia"

Everyone mumbled in agreement at Robert's suggestion.

"Wait a minute! I didn't say 'no bags'!" Big Daddy protested.

"But nobody can see"

"So?"

"So, it'd be nice to see"

"Goddammit! This is a raid! I can't see! You can't see! So what? All that matters is that the fuckin' horse can see!"

After arguing for another ten minutes, Big Daddy and his men charged the camp site and circled the cart. However they stopped once they realised no one was there.

Schultz and Catcher were watching them from up in a tree in the distance. Schultz had his rifle pulled out and was aiming it right at the tooth on the cart. Once the bullet hit, the dynamite inside went off, blowing the entire cart into pieces. Big Daddy and his men scattered in every direction although they still couldn't see.

Schultz spotted Big Daddy as he took off his bag. Schultz then passed the rifle to Catcher who took a firm hold of it. Holding it steady he set his sights on his target.

"He's getting away" Schultz pointed out.

"I got em" Catcher murmured. He waited for another few seconds as Big Daddy got further out of range, but he didn't lose track of him.

He fired his gun and ripped right through Big Daddy's chest. Schultz smiled in approval of Catcher's skill, seeing that he was natural.

"_Whoo baby!" Granddad cheered. "Go Catcher Freeman!"_

"_Oh man, Dr Schultz blew them niggas away! They shouldn't have messed with him"_

* * *

><p>After moving to new location, Catcher and Schultz sat around a camp fire and ate some dinner together<p>

"How did you know Broomhilda's first master were German?" Catcher asked.

"_Why he asking that now and not before when they were talking about it?" Riley asked. "Seems like a bad scene transition to me"_

"_It has more relevance at this point in the plot"_

"_It still a bad transition"_

"Broomhilda is a German name" Schultz explained. "If they named her, it stands to reason they'd be German."

"Lotta gals where you from named Broomhilda?

"No, not so much. Broomhilda is the name of a character in one of the most popular of all the German legend"

"Really? There's a story 'bout Broomhilda?" Catcher asked with interest.

"Yes there is."

"Do you know it?"

"Every German knows that story. Would you like me to tell you?" Catcher nodded eagerly.

"Well Broomhilda was a princess. She was the daughter of Wotan, the god of all gods. Anyway, her father is really mad at her"

"What she do?"

"I don't exactly remember. I think she disobeys him in some way. He puts her high on top of a mountain". Schultz visualise with his hand above his head.

"Broomhilda's on a mountain?"

"It's a German legend, there's always going to be a mountain in there somewhere. So, he puts her on top of the mountain and he puts a fire breathing dragon there to guard the mountain. And then he surrounds her in circle of hellfire. And there Broomhilda shall remain, unless a hero arises brave enough to save her"

"Does a fella arise?" Catcher asked.

"Yes, as a matter he does. A fella named, Sigfried."

"Does Sigfried save her?"

"_Man Catcher Freeman keeps talking and interrupting the story. That's annoying"_

"_No shit!" Michael said angrily_

"Yes he does, and quite spectacularly, so. He scales the mountain, because he's not afraid of it. He defeats the dragon, because he's not afraid of it. He walks through hellfire because Broomhilda's worth it."

"I know how he feels" Catcher said. After a moment of silence, Schultz stood up and kneeled down in front of Catcher.

"Now Catcher, I don't doubt that one day, you'll save your lady love, but I can't in good conscience let you got to Greenville. A slave auction town in Mississippi isn't the place for you to visit. Free or not. It's just too dangerous"

He paused to let this information sink into Catcher. "But let me ask you something? How do you like the bounty hunter business?"

"Kill white folk and they pay you for it? What's not to like?" Catcher replied with a grin.

"_Oh yeah" Riley said with an equal grin._

"You have to admit we make a good team. How'd you like to partner up for the winter?"

"What you mean partner up?"

"You work with me through the winter till the snow melts. I give you a third of my bounties. We make some money this winter and when the snow melts, I'll take you to Greenville myself. And we'll find your wife"

"Why you care what happens to me? Why you care if I find my wife?" Catcher asked the doctor.

"Well frankly, I've never given anybody their freedom before. And now that I have, I feel vaguely responsible for you. Plus when a German meets a real life Sigfried, it's kind of a big deal. As a German, I'm obliged to help you on your quest to rescue your beloved Broomhilda"

Schultz offered his hand to Catcher to confirm their partnership. Thinking it over for a second, Catcher decided to put his trust into Dr King Schultz and returned the hand shake.

* * *

><p>"Oh this story is the bomb!" Riley said. "I'm not saying its better then what my story would have been, but I ain't saying it <em>isn't<em> either. That Dr Schultz is one cool nigga though, even if he's ain't a real doctor. He and Catcher Freeman gonna make one badass team"

"I must say that this is an impressive tale. A killer nigga teaming up with a mad Nazi surgeon. Now that is indeed a terrifying concept" Ruckus shuddered grimly.

"Hey why you stopping?" Granddad asked suddenly as Michael stepped off the table.

"I'm just going to get a sandwich" he answered.

"Ohhhh no you ain't!" Granddad shook his head his vigorously. "I'm not waiting around for you to come back. I want to hear more of that story and I want it now! Not be like some TV series that ends abruptly and the fans have to wait like… four years or something before they get new episodes. Well I ain't waiting four years for you to go get a sandwich. Now get back up on that table and keep giving us entertainment!"

"But I'm hungry"

"Granddad, let Michael a have break for a while" Huey said. "He has others things to do as well"

"Alright fine". Michael walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. "But you better be back soon and don't leave us sitting here wondering if you up and died or just lost interest!"


	3. The Story of Catcher Freeman Part 2

**Still not dead. This turned out longer than expected. Had to cut out some scenes from the film but I changed a few things around, so I think it's okay. Please leave a revire if you enjoyed it.**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: So I've put up a poll on my profile, where you can vote for the next episode you want me to use in this story. The poll will just be four different episodes. After I publish the chapter you vote for, the poll choices will change. Some will also include Season 4 episodes. Another note, if I chose to do a Season 4 episode, it will become a chapter in my other story not this one.**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING**

* * *

><p>Catcher Freeman Part 2<p>

"Where the hell have you been boy?" Granddad yelled. "Do you have any idea how long we been sitting here waiting for you to come back?"

"I was only gone like five minutes" answered Michael holding a sandwich.

"Well it _felt_ longer to us!"

"Come on get back to the story already" Riley said impatiently.

"Okay". Michael took a bite out of his sandwich and spoke in-between mouthfuls. "Where was I?" Huey was the one to answer.

"Catcher Freeman had just been freed from slavery by Dr King Schultz, a German dentist/bounty hunter. After working together to capture his quarry, Schultz agreed to become a mentor and partner to Catcher Freeman so that once the winter ended they would go in search of Cather's Freemans wife"

"Okay here we go".

* * *

><p>In a small rustic town, Catcher Freeman exited from a tailor shop, now wearing a new leather jacket, hat and boots. Picking his new saddle, Catcher and Schultz mounted their respect horses and set off for the mountains.<p>

During the long winter months, Catcher was taught by Schultz how to shoot. He practiced drawing and shooting on a snowman, using its eyes and stone buttons as his targets.

"You what they'll call you?" Schultz said, impressed with Catcher's progress. "The fastest gun in the south."

Soon enough, the two of them became an almost unstoppable team.

Catcher Freeman and Schultz were lying on their bellies on a hill top overlooking a farm. Catcher had his rifle out and was pointing it at the man down below them, who was bailing hay with his son.

Catcher kept his sights on his target, but he had yet to fire. Schultz was waiting for him patiently until he noticed his hesitance.

"Hmm. I understand how you feel" he said. "You don't want to kill him in front of his son. But if want to save your wife by doing what I do, then this is what I do. Smitty Bacall is wanted man who could have started a farm at twenty two but instead as its shown right here-"

Schultz reached into his pocket to pull out the wanted poster, but before he took it out, Catcher fired and hit Smitty Bacall right between the eyes. Schultz looked at Catcher with some surprise as he stood up.

"I was waiting for him to turn around" he said with indifference.** (1)**

* * *

><p>Finally after the winter had ended, Catcher and Schultz returned to Greenville and found the auction house where Catcher and his wife had been sold. They were sitting at a small table, with a large record book between them.<p>

"Broomhilda Von Shaft, age 27, 'r' on right cheek." Schultz read off the sales record. "Buyer, Calvin Candie. He owns the fourth biggest cotton plantation in Mississippi; Candyland"

"Candyland?" Catcher said.

"Oh, so you've heard of it"

"Ain't no slave ain't heard of Candyland."

"Well, apparently" Schultz said as he closed the record book. "That's where your wife is and that's the repellent gentleman who owns her. Let's just hope she works in the house, not in the field"

"Oh, no, she ain't no field nigger. She pretty and she talk good, too. But when they tore her back up and then they...burned that runaway 'r' on her cheek. She ain't no field nigger, but she ain't good enough for the house no more either. They gonna try to make her a comfort girl"

"What's a comfort...oh" Schultz finished when realised what he meant

"Not while I got freedom" Catcher said fiercely. "Not while I got my gun. So do we offer to buy her?"

"So...say a man wants to buy a horse" Schultz said carefully. "He needs to buy a horse. He walks up to the farmer's farm, and he knocks on the farmer's door and asks the farmer to buy his horse. And do you know what the farmer says? The farmer says no"

"Well, I say fuck that farmer" Catcher said. "And I'm stealing that horse.

"Fair enough" Schultz said. "But now you're a horse thief, and they hang horse thieves. Not to mention the horse goes back to its original owner because the horse is still his property. We need her and we need a bill of sale"

"Well, if we ain't gonna try to buy her, then how we gonna get her?" Catcher asked

"May I offer an alternative plan of action?"

"Go ahead" Catcher nodded.

"So, the man walks up to the farmer's farm, he knocks on the farmer's door and asks not to buy the horse, but the farm. And makes an offer so ridiculous, the farmer is forced to say yes"

"We gonna offer to buy Candyland?" Catcher said carefully.

"No, it's far too big. But apparently this farmer ain't all about the farm. How much do you know about Mandingo fighting?

"_Did he say Mandingo fighting? "Huey said sharply_

"_What's Mandingo fighting?" asked Riley._

"_Mandingo fights were bare chest and knuckle gladiator style death matches held between slaves"_

"_So they like be Rodney Downey Jr in Sherlock Holmes? Damn!" Riley grinned._

"_Well of course that makes sense" said Ruckus. "Hell most slaves couldn't even figure out to accomplish the most remedial task their master gave em. Telling niggas to just give into their natural instinct and kill each other, was probably the kindest and simplest order ever given to a slave. That's what niggas do best after all, killing each other. Even getting freed all niggas did was start killing the first other black man they see. At least when they master had them do it, it was in a recreational manner that provided entertainment."_

"_While it is known" Huey continued, ignoring Ruckus. "That bare knuckle boxing and wrestling matches were common place in those times and it's likely that slave owners could have easily used their slave as participates, there's no conclusive historical evidence that they actually organised fights to the death"_

"_Mandingo _fights _were real!" said Granddad. "Solomon Northup was a Mandingo fighter when he was a slave. They told him he had to win ten consecutive fights to earn his freedom, but he then learned how to play the piano from Bob Hoskins and he decided to give fighting and instead-"_

"_Can I _please _continue?" said Michael_

"Can you convincingly masquerade as someone who is an expert on Mandingo fighting?" Schultz said

"Why?" Catcher asked.

"Because my character is that of a big money buyer from Dusseldorf, here in Greenville to buy my way into the Mandingo fight game. And your character is a Mandingo expert I hired to help me do it"

"They call that "One-Eyed Charley" Catcher said. "You want me to play a black slaver? Ain't nothing lower than a black slaver. A black slaver is lower than the head house nigga, and, buddy, that's pretty fuckin' low.

"Then play him that way" Schultz said with some theatrical effect. "Give me your black slaver"

"_Catcher Freeman is gonna pretend to be a black slaver?!" Huey said with shock and anger._

"_Yes" Michael said_

"_A black …slaver" Huey repeated, as if it was the most sickening thing he had ever heard (and it probably was) "Is Broomhilda _really_ worth it?"_

"_Eh" Michael tilted his hand up and down_

* * *

><p>After making contact with Calvin Candie's lawyer and acting out their charade, they managed to get an invitation for an audience with Calvin himself at his estate. Their plan was to pretend to want buy one of Calvin's Mandingo fighters and visit Candyland. Once there Catcher would point out Broomhilda and Schultz would act as though he had been charmed by her German. Then they could purchase her on the side of the to avoid any suspicion.<p>

"Uh...anything else about Mr. Candie that I should know before I meet him?" Schultz asked Calvin's lawyer as they made their way to the lounge.

"Yes, he is a bit of a Francophile" the man said. "And he prefers Monsieur Candie to Mr. Candie. But uh he doesn't speak French. Don't speak French to him, it'll embarrass him"

Catcher and Schultz entered the room, which contain a bar at one corner of the room and a pool table in the middle. In the other corner, they could see two men sitting in on two separate seats. In front of them were two bluff looking black slaves, presumably belonging to each of the men, who were standing completely still in front of their masters.

"Why do you want to get in the Mandingo business?" one of the men asked without turning around.

"You don't intend to allow your second to make the proper introductions?" Schultz said

"Quit stalling" he replied curtly still with his back to them. "Now answer the question."

"The awful truth?" Schultz said. "I'm bored. This seems like a good bit of fun."

The man named Calvin Candie turned around in his seat to face them with a smile.

"Well, come on over. We were just about to get started. Why don't you come over here and let me show you how Mandingo fights work"

"_Is that Leonardo Di'Capero?" Riley asked._

"_No it's someone who doesn't get an Oscar" Michael said._ **(2)**

Schultz walked over to join Calvin, while Catcher went to get a drink at the bar. He noticed the man with the moustache at the pool table was eyeing him darkly.

"You don't wear a hat in the house, white man. Even I know that." Catcher muttered

"Now Fred, do just as we practiced" Calvin said to his slave. "Turn to the side, face the wall. Stand a little more to the left. A little more. Okay that's perfect. Now is your boy ready?" Calvin turned to the other man who nodded.

"He is". The second slave was standing looking at the opposite wall and was about halfway to the right hand side of the other slave.

"Alright when we say go, the both of you walk forward and do not stop. Okay one, two, three…go!"

As instructed, the two black men walked forward without hesitance until they collided with each other by the shoulders. Suddenly they both reacted as if they had been punched in the face and turned toward the other with animal like aggression.

"What you think you doing nigga!?"

"What you doing nigga. HUH!?"

"Im'ma bout to whoop yo ass nigga!"

"Bring it on bitch ass nigga!" **(3)**

The two slaves tackled each other and began to wrestle across the floor.

"Oh yeah! Woo! Come on now boy, come on!" Calvin cheered as the two men began to fight to the death.

"_Nigga moment?" Huey asked._

"_Nigga moment" Michael nodded._

"Use your weight, boy, use your weight! There you go!"

The fight was becoming fiercer as Calvin man was beginning to win. Getting on top of the second fighter, he put his arm in a hold and managed to break his arm

"Yes!" Calvin said excitedly. "Do what I told you, boy! There you go! Blind him boy!"

Still on top of his opponent, Fred used his thumbs to gouge his eyes out. Calvin stood up and cheered even louder, while the second slave owner moaned over his loss. Calvin then tossed out a hammer on to the floor beside the slaves.

"Finish him"

Picking up the hammer, Fred smashed the other slave in the head, killing him instantly.

"That's why they call him Big Fred. Worth every penny". Calvin gestured for him to get up.

"Come on up, now, boy. Get yourself a rest" Calvin patted him on the shoulder. "You did a fine job. A real fine job". He led Big Fred to the bar and gave him a bear. Calvin then turned to his lawyer. "now I want you to find him a nice soft bed and a pony to lick his pole"

"Yes sir Monsieur Candie"

After he left, Calvin got his own drink at bar, as well as one for Schultz. Calvin sipped his drink for moment, before finally addressing Catcher.

"What's your name, boy?" Calvin asked him.

"His name is Catcher Freeman" answered Schultz.

"Where'd you dig him up?"

"A fortuitous turn of events brought Catcher and myself together"

"I've heard tell about you" Calvin said as he held up his drink. "I heard you been telling everybody them Mandingos ain't no damn good, ain't nothing nobody is selling is worth buying. I'm curious, what makes you such a Mandingo expert?

"I'm curious, what makes you so curious?" Catcher said coldly. The room went silence for a moment.

"What did you say, boy?" The man with the moustache advanced a little.

"Calm down, Pooch" Calvin said raising his hand up. "No offense given, none taken".

"Monsieur Candie" Schultz said, trying to take control of the situation. "I'd appreciate if you could direct your line of inquiry toward me"

"Doc, I am a seasoned slaver. You are, well, you are a neophyte. I'm simply trying to ascertain if this cowboy here is taking advantage of you"

"With all due respect, Monsieur Candie, I didn't seek you out for your advice. I sought you out to purchase a fighting nigga at above top-dollar market price. Now I was under the impression, when you granted me an audience, it would be to discuss business."

"Well, we weren't talking business yet" Calvin took another sip of his drink. "We were discussing my curiosity"

He paced the room slowly for a moment, stirring his drink.

"So if I do business with you, I'm doing business with both y'all. He does the eyeballing, you the billfold? Is that it?"

"Well, you don't make it sound too flattering, but more or less, yeah" Schultz said.

"Hm. So, Bright Boy" Calvin said, addressing Catcher. "You looked over my African flesh and you was none too impressed, huh?"

"Not for top dollar" Catcher said.

"Well, then, we got nothing more to talk about. You see, you wanna buy a beat-ass nigga from me, those are the beat-ass niggas I wanna sell, so"

"He don't wanna buy the niggas you wanna sell" Catcher said. "He wants the nigga you don't wanna sell"

"Well, I don't sell the niggas I don't wanna sell" Calvin said smoothly

"Well, you won't sell your best" Schultz moving to stand beside Catcher at the bar. "You won't even sell your second best. But your third best, you don't want to sell him either? But if I made you an offer so ridiculous you'd be forced to consider it, who knows what could happen?"

"And what do you consider ridiculous?" Calvin asked

"For a truly talented specimen, the right nigga?" Schultz said. He turned to look at Catcher.

"How much would you say, Catcher?" Catcher paused for a minute, though he already knew what to say.

"Twelve thousand dollars"

Calvin opened his mouth slightly, before closing it and setting his drink down.

"Gentlemen, you had my curiosity, but now you have my attention"

* * *

><p>The next day, Catcher and Schultz joined Calvin as he made his trip back to Candyland, taking with him his latest batch of Mandingo fighters. Schultz sat with Calvin in his carriage up front, while Catcher was going to take up the rear and herd the fighters alongside Calvin's overseers. One of the overseers rode up in front Catcher.<p>

"The name of the game is keep up, not catch up, nigga". The rest of the overseers began to laugh. Catcher slowly rode closer to the overseer in front of him and then punched him right off his horse. The overseer scrambled to get back up on his and drew out his gun.

"Everybody calm down!" Calvin said, standing up in his carriage when he noticed the commotion. "No harm done"

"Are you kidding?!" the overseer said incredulously "He just-"

"I said no harm done! For god sake Billy. You getting all bent up over a little tussling? Now stop antagonizing my guests and get back on yo horse"

"Oh, now you are one lucky nigga" Billy muttered to Catcher from the ground.

"You better listen to your boss, white boy" Catcher said

"Oh, I'm gonna go walking in the moonlight with you" Billy said with a grin.

"_Pause"_

"You wanna hold my hand?" Catcher replied coolly.

"_Pause again"_

"Oh I'll have my hands firmly on yo ass boy"

"_Pause again"_

"Yeah but you getting no tongue till the third date"

"_Pause again"_

"I'll show you tongue. I'll lick your black ass right up from head to toe and cook me up nice some black cod for supper time".

It was then Billy finally paused when he realised what he had said. Catcher looked back at him with disgust at what he had said. Billy slowly turned around to that see everyone else, even the slaves had the same reaction, having heard the whole exchange.

"Jesus Christ, Billy!" Calvin said his mouth gaping in disbelief. "What in the_ hell_ is wrong with you? For fuck sake, Pause!"

"Well I was just …I mean…" Billy stuttered. "We were just doing …doing a thing and..."

"_Get… on… yo goddamn horse boy!"_ Calvin ordered. Billy did as Calvin said and rode at back of the group, avoiding everyone's eyes. Catcher moved up closer to Calvin's carriage.

"Let me tell you something Bright Boy" Calvin said to Catcher. "Where I part company from many of my phrenologist colleagues is I believe there is a level above bright, above talented, above loyal that a nigga can aspire to. Say, one nigga that just pops up in ten thousand, the exceptional nigga. Bright Boy, you are that one in ten thousand".

Catcher turned to look at Calvin with a small grin. "Yes I am".

The party finally arrived at Candyland. A massive house in the middle of an even more massive cotton field. As they approached the house, an old black man dressed in butler attire and leaning on a cane for support, stepped out onto the porch. He smiled pleasantly as Calvin rode up to the porch in his carriage. However, he then looked into the distance and spotted Catcher riding up from behind. The old man now stared at Catcher with the utmost loathing.

"_Who's that guy?" Granddad asked._

"_That's Stephen" Michael said. "Calvin's decrepit and staunchly loyal head house slave"_

"_That nigga look just like my daddy" Ruckus said _**(4)**

"Stephen! Hello my boy!" Calvin called to him.

"Yeah, yeah. Hello my ass. Who this nigga up on that nag?" he said pointing at Catcher.

"Oh, Stephen, you have nails for breakfast?" Calvin said. "What's the matter? Why you so ornery? You miss me, huh?"

"Oh, yes, sir" Stephen laughed as he limped up to the carriage. "I...I miss you like a...like a hog miss slop! Like…like a baby miss mammy's titty. I miss you like I misses a rock in my shoe"

Calvin and Stephen both laughed together.

"Now, I axed you, who this nigga on that nag?" he referred to Catcher once again.

"Hey, Snowball"

Stephen abruptly turned to face Catcher on his horse with a disgruntled face.

"Wanna know my name or the name of my horse, you ask me" Catcher said

"Just who the hell you calling Snowball, horse boy?!" Stephen growled angrily, limping closer to Catcher. "I'll snatch your black ass off that nag there and in the mud so fast…"

"Woh woh!" Calvin said. "Stephen. Let's keep it funny. Catcher here's a Freeman"

"This nigga here?" Stephen said with disbelief

"Let me at least introduce the two of you" Calvin placed a hand on Stephen's shoulder. "Catcher, this here is another cheeky black bugger like yourself, Stephen. Stephen, this here's Catcher. You two oughta hate each other.

"Calvin, just who the hell is this nigga you feels the need to entertain?" Stephen asked.

"Catcher and his friend in grey here, Dr. Schultz" Calvin indicated to Schultz. "Are customers. And they are our guests, Stephen. And you, you old decrepit bastard, oughta show them every hospitality. You understand that?"

"Yes, sir. Him I understand". He gestured to Schultz. "But I don't know why I got to take lip off this nigga"

"You don't have to know why. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir. I understand" Stephen mumbled respectfully, but still glared at Catcher.

"Well, good. They're spending the night. Go up in the guest bedrooms and get two ready"

Stephen looked up back at Calvin, completely mortified. "He gawn stay in the Big House?!"

"Stephen. He's a slaver. It's different." Calvin said plaintively.

"In the Big House?!" he said, pointing at Catcher.

"Well, you got a problem with that?"

"Aw, naw, naw" Stephen shook his head. "I ain't got no problem with it. If you ain't got no problem with burning the bed, the sheets, the pillowcase, and everything else when this black ass motherfucker's gone!"

"_Now that nigga took the words right outta my mouth" Ruckus said with surprise._

"Well that is my problem!" Calvin snapped back at him. "They are mine to burn! Now your problem right now is making a good impression! And I want you to start solving that problem right now and get them goddamn rooms ready!"

"Yes sir, Monsiuer Candie" Stephen bowed his head and walked on.

"Can't believe you brought a nigga to stay in The Big House. Your daddy rolling over in his goddamned grave."

"_Now I must say, it's like that nigga can read my mind" Ruckus said in amazement._

"Man, the lip on him! Whoo! He's getting worse and worse!" Calvin chuckled lightly. Suddenly he stood up on the cart and screamed at the top of his lungs. "Now. WHERE IS MY BEAUTIFUL SISTER?! There is she!"

"_Oh shit, that guy is loud" Riley complained as he rubbed his ear._

Calvin got out of the carriage and walked up the porch to greet his sister. Calvin introduced her to Schultz and Catcher.

"This attractive southern belle is my windowed sister, Lara Lee Candie-Fitzwilly. Darling you are a tonic for tired eyes". He leaned in and kissed his sister on both cheeks. Calvin then turned to Stephen once again.

"Stephen, once yo done getting the rooms ready, go fetch Hildi, get her dressed and smelling nice and have her sent up to Dr Schultz's room"

* * *

><p>Before dinner, Schultz was able meet with Broomhilda, who Calvin mentioned could speak German. Conversing in German, he told her who he was and of Catcher's plan to save her. Later at dinner time, Schultz and Catcher continued to discuss buying the Mandingo fighters and once they agreed on one, Schultz could make his offer to buy Broomhilda.<p>

Unfortunately Stephen was watching them with a suspicious eye and was particularly interested in how Catcher himself was watching Hildi as she served their table.

"Ooh! I see you two getting on well" Calvin said.

"Famously" Schultz said. "Oh, Monsieur Candie, you can't imagine what it's like not to hear your native tongue in four years"

"Well, hell, I can't imagine two weeks in Boston"

Everyone at the table chuckled lightly, while Stephen laughed like crazy.

"Two weeks in Boston!" he said. "Monsieur Candie, you a mess! Two weeks in Boston!

"I can't express the joy I felt conversing in my mother tongue" Schultz continued. "And Hildi is a charming conversation companion". Schultz touched Broomhila's arm, causing her to smile shyly. Stephen had his eyes on her and kept noticing the quick glances she and Catcher were giving each other. Stephen watched carefully as she returned to the kitchen and then back to Catcher when he started to speak.

"Eskimo Joe's a quality nigga, no doubt about it. But if it was my money, I wouldn't pay no twelve thousand dollars for him"

"What would your price be?" Schultz asked

"Well, if I was inclined to be generous, and I don't know why I would be inclined to be generous, nine thousand. Maybe"

There was a moment of silence around the table until Calvin spoke again.

"Dr Schultz, let me re-clarify how this whole negotiation came about. You see, it wasn't me who came to you to sell a nigga"

"Sure wasn't" Stephen nodded firmly, standing right beside Calvin, looking cross.

"It was you who approached me to buy one"

"Sure was" Stephen nodded again.

"Now, that nine thousand figure Bright Boy's been bandying about, that ain't too far off from right. And if I wanted to sell Eskimo Joe for that, I could do so any day of the week"

"Any day" Stephen nodded once again.

"_Now that is one fine, respectful nigga. Look at him. Standing by his master's side, agreeing with everything he says. Now that's a nigga I would play checkers with"_

"_Hey" Granddad said indignantly._

"But like you said in Greenville, doctor, I don't want to sell him. It was only your ridiculous offer of twelve thousand that made me even consider it"

"Mm-hmm" said Stephen.

"You know, Monsieur Candie" Schultz said after a moment's thought. "You do possess the power of persuasion. Why not! Monsieur Candie, you have a deal. Eskimo Joe, twelve thousand dollars."

Calvin slapped his hand on the table. "Hooray, doctor! And a wise decision that is.

"However" Schultz said carefully. "That is a tremendous amount of money. Now I have a lawyer. Persnickety man named Tuttle, and I would need my Mr. Tuttle to draw up a legal contract before I'd feel comfortable exchanging that amount of money for flesh.

"Mm-hmm. Of course" Calvin nodded.

"Not to mention having Eskimo Joe examined by a physician of my choosing" Schultz added.

"Naturally"

"How bout I return in five days with my lawyer and physician and then we can sort out the rest of details then"

"I say splendid doctor" Calvin raised his glass in respect. Schultz and the others raised up their glasses as well.

While they continue to talk, Stephen crept his way into the kitchen to find Broomhilda, believing that she knew who Catcher was an. He stopped when he heard, her and a group of girls talking around the corner.

"Oooh I tell what" said Cora "That Stephen get enough of my ass"

"Girl nobody can enough of yo ass, cause it's so big" said one girl with some sass.

"White men and black men like a nigga gal with a big fat ass. Too bad for you Hildi, with that flat ass of yours and that peeled up back you got, you aint gonna last a comfort girl"

"Yeah, well I tell you something though" Broomhilda said with a grin. "I'm bout to get the hell outta here. That white man with the beard bout to buy me"

"Oh yeah right" said Cora sceptically. "What he want you, girl? None of us can't stand to look at yo nasty old backside. You think that old white man gonna want nigga gal with that nasty old back"

"Hell no. I mean my husband" Broomhilda said smugly.

"Your husband?"

"Mm-hmm. That nigga out there is my man and he here bout to rescue me"

"That fine ass nigga out there?" One of the girls put her hands on her hips and waved her from side to side. "Girl you must lost yo mind"

"Oh just wait girl" Broomhilda said raising her finger and waving her head side to side. "He bout to pull the wool over Monsieur Candies eyes and get me the fuck outta here while the rest of y'all bitches stay here and get slave raped. I landed me one fine man, looking after his lady"

"I'll believe that a nigga gal can land herself any decent nigga husband when I sees it" Cora said

Stephen chuckled evilly from behind the corner and rushed back to dining room to tell Calvin.

"You indicated earlier you'd be willing to part with Hildi" said Schultz.

"Why, yes I did" Calvin replied.

"In that case, allow me to propose another proposition". Catcher held his breath for a moment as they were almost ready to finish the plan.

"I'm all ears" said Calvin.

Just before Schultz could open his mouth, Stephen, who had been waiting behind the door for this moment, burst into the dining room.

"Hurry up, goddamn it!" he shouted back into the dining room. Stephen tunred around to look at Calvin.

"Monsieur Candie-"

"Stephen!" he scolded. "You just interrupted Dr Schultz here"

"I'm sorry, Dr Schultz" Stephen said, bowing his head. "My ears ain't worth a damn these days. Uh, Monsieur Candie, could I get a word with you in the kitchen?"

"You mean get up out of my chair?" Calvin said exasperated.

"If you could manage it"

"Why?"

"It's about dessert"

"What about dessert?"

"I'd rather discuss that in private"

"We're having white cake!" Calvin snapped. "What sort of melodrama could be brewing back there?"

"You right, Monsieur Candie. You right, I'll handle it myself". Stephen bowed his head even lower and moved closer to Calvin

"Meet me in the library" he whispered. Calvin's eyes widen slightly when he heard this. Stephen raised his voice again.

"I just can't understand why you won't come talk to these niggas. Shit get fucked up around here, you blame me"

"Fine!" Calvin said. "Stephen, I will be along momentarily"

"Yes, sir". Stephen bowed his head again and left the room. Calvin turned back to the others.

"Well, gentlemen, as you can see, talented as they are no doubt in the kitchen, from time to time, adult supervision is required"

Calvin rose up from his chair. "If you'll excuse me a moment"

* * *

><p>Calvin entered the library, where he found Stephen. Stephen was sitting calmly and relaxed in one of the arm chairs with his legs crossed and brandy in his hand.<p>

"What is the matter?" Calvin asked, not looking the least bit perturbed or surprised by Stephen.

"Them motherfuckers ain't here to buy no Mandingos" he said, dropping his slurring voice. "They's here for that girl."

"_Oh no!" Granddad cried in fear. "They been found out. What they gonna do?"_

"_Oh shit. I knew it!" Riley said. "I knew that Stephen was a snitch"_

Calvin chuckled lightly. "Stephen, what are you talking bout?"

"They playing your ass for a fool is what I'm talking about. They ain't here for no musclebound Jimmie, they here for that girl." Stephen said. Calvin stared at him with a confused expression as he sat in the chair opposite him.

"What girl? What, Hildi?

"Yeah, Hildi" Stephen nodded. "Her and Django, them niggas know each other"

"He just bought Eskimo Joe, I..."

"Did he give any money?" Stephen cut across.

"No" Calvin said. "Not yet, but-"

"Then he ain't bought diddly" Stephen said bluntly. "Not yet no how. But he's just about to buy who he come here to buy when I interrupted him. Thank you, Stephen. You're welcome, Calvin" he added sardonically as he took a sip of his brandy. Calvin seemed to maul this over for a second.

"Where...where you getting all this?" he asked, leaning forward. "Why would they go through all that trouble for a nigga with a chewed up back, ain't worth three hundred dollars?

"They doin' it cause that nigga Django's in love with Hildi" Stephen explained, peering at Calvin over his glass. "She his wife. Now, why that German gives a fuck who that uppity son of a bitch is in love with, I'm sure I don't know"

"If she's who they want" Calvin said slowly. "Why this whole snake oil pitch about Mandingos then?"

"You wouldn't pay no never mind to no three hundred dollar" Stephen said shaking his head. "But that twelve thousand? That made you reeeeal friendly now, didn't it?"

"Yes, it did" Calvin said as slowly sat back in his seat, realising Stephen was right. "His wife, huh? If it had been a snake, it would have bit me."

"_This is truly beautiful. Look at them, a white man and black man facing each other almost as equals as friends. That Stephen. Protecting and advising his master, doing it with such cheek and respect. This here's what a real nigga aught to be. Knowing his place and knowing when to keep other niggas in theirs. God bless that black man!"_

"Those…lying…goddamn…time…wasting….sons of bitches" Calvin said softly. "Son of bitches!" Calvin clapped his hands and jumped out of his seat.

"You just watch, I'm gonna fix their wagon but good!" he yelled. "We gonna have us a Candyland tar and feathering!"

"Now Calvin" Stephen said, giving no reaction to Calvin's outburst. "Not that I wouldn't enjoy seeing something like that but why don't you sit down and let's talk about this"

"I let a goddamn nigga and a nigga loving huckster insinuate themselves at my dinner table and playing this whole goddamn plantation for a fool!"

"Calm…the fuck….down" Stephen said in very firm voice. "Sit down and discuss this". Still breathing hard, Calvin sat back in the chair

"Now look, you and I knew that there was something up with these two" Stephen said. "We just didn't know what. But now we do. They don't want you to know how bad they want that girl but these boys have rode lotta miles, went to a whole lotta trouble and done spread a whole lotta bull to get this girl. They must want her mighty bad. Way I see it aint nothing changed. They wanna but a nigga, you wanna sell a nigga. The only thing done change is the advantage"

Calvin nodded, understanding what Stephen had in mind. Stephen leaned forward in his seat.

"Now we got it. So let's go back in there and bust these motherfucker's chops"

* * *

><p>Schultz and Catcher were still waiting in the dining room, beginning to wonder where Calvin had gone. Once he returned, Calvin asked his sister to leave. After she was gone, Calvin set a box onto the table.<p>

"Before your exit" Schultz said. "We were discussing the possibility of my purchasing Broomhilda"

"Ah, yes. Yes, we were, doctor. And we will again, in a moment". Calvin opened his box and took out a saw, a hammer and a pair of pliers from within it. He pulled out a human from inside the box.

"Who's your little friend?" Schultz asked.

"This is Ben" Calvin said, tapping the skull. "He's an old Joe that lived around here for a long time. And I do mean a long damn time. Well Ben here took care of my daddy and my daddy's daddy, till he up and keeled over one day. Old Ben took care of me. Growing up the son of a huge plantation owner in Mississippi puts a white man in contact with a whole lot of black faces. I spent my whole life here right here in Candyland, surrounded by black faces. And seeing them every day, day in day out, I only had one question. Why don't they kill us?"

"_Probably because they would have been lynched" said Huey dryly._

Calvin paused for a moment to look at Schultz and Catcher and took a whiff of his cigarette. "Now right out there on that porch three times a week for fifty years, old Ben here would shave my daddy with a straight razor. Now if I was old Ben, I would have cut my daddy's goddamn throat, and it wouldn't have taken me no fifty years to do it neither. But he never did. Why not?"

Schultz and Catcher gave no answer as they felt the atmosphere in the room beginning to shift. Calvin smiled as he stepped out of his and picked up the skull. He then picked up the pair of pillars and saw.

"You see, the science of phrenology is crucial to understanding the separation about two species. In the skull of the African here, the area associated with submissiveness is larger than any human or other sub-human species on planet Earth." As he spoke, Calvin began to saw off the top half of the skull and then broke it off with the pliers. He held up the piece of the skull and pointed inside of it.

"If you examine this piece of skull here, you'll notice three distinct dimples. Here, here and here". He indicated to each of three dimples on the inside of the skull.

"Now if I was holding a skull of uh, Isaac Newton or Galileo, these three dimples would be in the area of the skull most associated with creativity. But this is the skull of old Ben, and in the skull of old Ben unburdened by genius, these three dimples exist in the area of the skull most associated with servility"

"_That has got to be, without a doubt, the smartest, most accurate and underlying beautiful thing a white man has ever said about a Negro" Ruckus said with awe._

"_That is a bunch of bullshit!" Granddad scoffed._

"_I know where my three dimples is" said Riley. "The area of the brain where I whoop some wanna be French ass!"_

Calvin looked once again at Schultz and Catcher, who both realised something, was wrong. Calvin's gentlemen composure was slowly crumbling and the anger in his voice becoming clear.

"Now bright boy" he said to Catcher in a low, but dangerous voice. "I will admit you are pretty clever. But if I took this hammer here and I bashed it in your skull, you would have the same three dimples in the same place as old Ben!"

Catcher shot up as Calvin slapped his hand on the table but before he or Schultz could make a move, the door behind them burst open. Pooch, armed with a shotgun appeared, pinned the two of them back into their seats.

"Now lay your palms flat on the table top!" Calvin ordered. "If you lift those palms off that turtle shell table top, Mr. Pooch is gonna let loose with both barrels of that sawed off! There have been a lot of lies said around this dinner table here tonight, but that you can believe!"

Schultz and Catcher sat frozen in their seats, their hands on the table. Pooch moved closer removed their guns

"Where were we?" Calvin said. "Ah, yes. I do believe you were just getting ready to make me a proposition to buy Broomhilda. Am I right?"

"Right" Schultz said grimly.

"Bring out Hildi!" Calvin yelled. Stephen entered the dining room with, holding Broomhilda at gun point.

"Dr Schultz, in Greenville, you yourself said that for the right nigga you'd be willing to pay what some may consider is a ridiculous amount. To which me myself said, 'What is your definition of ridiculous?' To which you said, "'Twelve thousand dollars.'".

"Your hand is bleeding" Schultz suddenly said, seeing the blood on Calvin's hand

"I am aware!" he yelled.

"Hey man you okay?" said Catcher stepping out of his seat.

"I said sit down!"

"Maybe you should have that looked at" Schultz said, getting from up the table as well, since Pooch had lowered his gun. Beside Calvin, Stephen let go of Broomhilda and they all looked at him with concern. Suddenly, some men holding a set of cameras and microphones walked onto the scene

"Hey Leo maybe you should…" Calvin brandished his hammer at them dangerously, still looking as threatening as ever.

"I AM STILL IN CHARACER! NOW KEEP FILIMING DAMMIT!" **(5)**

The camera men immediately backed off set and then everyone else returned to the way they were before.

"Now, considering y'all have ridden a whole lotta miles, went through a whole lotta trouble, and done spread a whole lotta bull to purchase this lovely lady right here, it would appear that Broomhilda is in fact the right nigga. And if y'all want to leave Candyland with Broomhilda, the price is twelve thousand dollars."

"And I take it you prefer the take it or leave it style of negotiation?" Schultz said.

"Yes, I do, doctor. You see, under the laws of Chickasaw County, Broomhilda here is my property. And I can choose to do with my property whatever I so desire! And if y'all think my price for this nigga here is too steep…"

Calvin grabbed Broomhilda by her throat and pushed her head down on the table

"What I'm gonna desire to do is take this goddamn hammer here and beat her ass to death with it! Right in front of both y'all!"

Catcher got out if his seat, but Pooch dug his gun into his back.

"Now, what's it gonna be, doc?! Huh?! What's it gonna be?!

"May I lift my hands off the table top in order to remove my billfold?!" Schultz yelled.

"Yes, you may!" Calvin yelled back.

Schultz reached into his coat and threw out his wallet. Stephen picked it up and took out the money. Calvin smashed the hammer down on the table.

"SOLD! To man with the exceptional beard and his unexceptional nigga!"

"_HAHA. You show them Monsieur Candie! Catcher Freeman and Dr Schultz ain't no match for you and Stephen! The greatest white man to ever live and the greatest nigga to ever live working together!"_

* * *

><p>Up in the parlour, Calvin was finishing the sales papers. Pooch still had his gun Catcher, while Broomhilda was standing near the corner. Schultz was sitting in a chair with his hand on his chin, looking a little sour. Once they were ready, Schultz and Calvin gave their signatures. Schultz then took Broomhilda's bill of sales and gave it to Catcher. He then turned back to Calvin.<p>

"Mister Candie, normally I would say auf wiedersehen, but since what 'auf wiedersehen' actually means is 'till I see you again' and since I never wish to see you again, to you sir, I say goodbye"

The three of them prepared to make their leave

"One more moment, doctor!"

Schultz turned back to him. "What?"

Calvin rose out of his seat. "It's a custom here in the South, once a business deal is concluded that the two parties shake hands. It implies good faith"

Schultz thought about this for a moment, before nodding his head.

"Well I suppose you beat me fair and square and simply handshake isn't that much to ask"

Schultz walked forward and extended his hand to Calvin's. However Calvin quickly pulled his hand back behind his head just as Schultz was about to shake it.

"SIKE!" he yelled. Calvin, as well as Stephen, both laughed pompously at Schultz expense. After they calmed down, Calvin recomposed himself extended his hand once again. Schultz reached out to shake it, but then Calvin pulled it back.

"SIKE AGAIN. Haha! Two for two!" Stephen now laughed even louder, slapping his leg with his hand, while Catcher and Broomhilda rolled their eyes in irritation

"Hey you got something there". Calvin pointed to Schultz's chest. Schultz looked down, only for Calvin to flick him in the face with his finger. Stephen looked like he might wet himself as he and Calvin kept laughing.

"Hey, hey" Calvin said once he caught his breath. "While we still business why don't I sell you own nigga wife, though if downstairs". He pointed to Schultz crotch.

"Is anything like upstairs". He pointed to Schultz beard. "She'll probably end up with a hairy tongue!" Calvin roared with laughter while Schultz stared at him with a hard face, slowly losing the last of his patience.

"Or how bout I pay you five dollars to shave that beard of yours? In fact, I think I'll do that. Somebody get this man a razor!"

Schultz raised up his right hand, pulled out his hidden revolver and shot Calvin right in his chest. Calvin's eyes bulged as he looked down the bullet wound. He stumbled backwards and fell dead to the floor.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Stephen screamed running past Schulz to Calvin and began cuddling him dearly.

"_NOOOOOOOOOO!" Ruckus screamed, latching tightly onto to Granddad as if he was Calvin. Granddad in turn tried to push him off._

Schulz turned back to Catcher and shrugged ruefully. "I'm sorry. I couldn't resist"

Pooch blasted Schulz into the book case with his shot gun, killing him instantly. Moving fast, Catcher grabbed Pooch side gun while he was distracted and shot him right in the chest with it. Catcher then shot Calvin's lawyer as he ran out the door. Jumping down from the balcony, Catcher dodged fire from more of Calvin's from up above. Catcher rolled on his back and took them out from the floor. Catcher got back up and ran into the main hallway.

The front door suddenly burst open, and about six men armed with rifles entered. Catcher immediately let the bullets fly and took out at least half of them, before they even realised what happened. He ran around a nearby corner for cover and checked his gun to see that it was empty. The remaining men at the door opened fire at where Catcher was hiding, but a couple of stray bullets hit one of the men Catcher shot earlier, who was still alive and lying in front of the door.

Catcher then saw the barrel end of a gun sticking out the back of another dead gunman near him. He waited for his moment as several bullets hit wall and also the body, spraying blood and wooden splinters everywhere. Catcher reached out to grabbed the gun and then lay down behind the dead man, his free hand firmly gripping his ass.

_Pause_

The corpse (somehow) provided him with cover as he return fire to the men at the door and once again the man lying in-between them got hit several more times, screaming in agony with each shot.

"_Somebody ought to move that guy outta the way!" Riley laughed. "He getting all fucked up!"_

"_Why are they all aiming so low to the ground?" Huey asked. "The only things they seem to be hitting are the bodies already on the floor. If one of them stood up they'd probably hit Catcher Freeman"_

"_Huey, shut the fuck up! You ruining the tension with yo damn hindsight!" Granddad said._

Finishing off the men at the door, Catcher stood up as more men poured in from the back of the house. Moving fast Catcher took out three of them with his gun and grabbed one of their guns as it fell to the floor. Using both pistols, he started firing at every white man he could see, not missing one hit. When they began to return fire, Catcher back down into a hallway and pulled a shelf down over his head. He hid there for a second as they continued to shoot and checked his guns. They were all empty. Soon the gunshots died down, as Catcher heard Stephen yelling.

"Cather Freeman! We got your woman! Billy Crash here got his pistol upside her head. You don't stop all that carrying on, he gonna blow her goddamn brains out! And that ain't no threat, horse boy. That there is a promise"

Billy stepped out into the hall, holding Broomhilda at gun point.

"Or, you can give up, throw your gun out, we won't kill Hildi"

"Horseshit!" Catcher shouted.

"Honest Injun, Catcher. I swear 'fore God. You give up, ain't no harm gonna come to her"

"And I'm supposed to believe your black ass?"

"Personally, I don't give a good goddamn what you believe or don't believe! I believe if you don't give up in the next ten seconds, we gonna blow this bitch's brains out! Believe that!"

Catcher sighed and stepped from under the book shelf. He dropped his guns to the floor and was now surrounded by dozens of gunmen.

* * *

><p>Later, Catcher found himself stripped naked and strapped upside down with a metal harness around his head, inside the barn with Billy Crash, who's hand was right on Catcher's dick<p>

"_Pause again"_

Conveniently (as in freaking ridiculously convenient) Stephen entered the barn just before Billy could castrate Catcher. After telling Billy to leave, Stephen now slowly paced around Catcher.

"Your black ass is what all them motherfuckers at the Big House could talk about for the last few hours. Seem like white folk ain't never had a bright idea in they life was coming up with all kinds of ways to kill your ass. Now, mind you, most of them ideas had to do with fucking with your fun parts. Now, that may seem like a good idea, but the truth is, when you snip a nigga's nuts, most of them bleed out in, oh, about... seven minutes. Most of them."

Stephen chuckled darkly at the now shivering and helpless Catcher. He took a seat on the stool on front of Catcher.

"Well, more than most. Then I says, 'Shitfire! The niggas we sell to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!' And they say, 'Let's whip him to death!', or throw him to the Mandingos. Feed him to Stonesipher's dogs.' And I said, 'What's so special about that? We do that shit all the time! Hell's bells, the niggas we sell to LeQuint Dickey got it worse than that!' "

Stephen swung his hand in the air as listed each horrific torture they would gladly deal out on Catcher.

"And lo and behold" he whispered. "Out of nowhere, Miss Lara come up with the bright idea of giving your ass to the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company!"

Catcher merely stared at Stephen, whose unflinching eyes bore right into him.

"And as a _slave_ of the LeQuint Dickey Mining Company, henceforth until the day you die, all day, every day, you will be swinging a sledgehammer, turning big rocks into little rocks. Now, when you get there, they gonna take away your name, give you a number and a sledgehammer, and say, "Get to work!" One word of sass, they cut out your tongue. And they good at it, too. You won't bleed out. Oh, they does that real good! They gonna work ya all day, every day 'till your back give out."

Stephen leaned in closer and dropped his voice down even lower.

"Then….they gonna hit cha in the head with a hammer and throw you down the nigga hole. And _that_ will be the story of you, Catcher Freeman"

"_Ho…ly…shit" Riley said, practically speechless. _

"_That was the most terrifying and utterly intimating thing I have ever heard in my entire black life…" Granddad whispered in complete fear._

"_That…..was evil. In its purest form" Huey said with disgust._

"_Ohohohoho! That is the greatest nigga who has ever walked the face of this earth!" Ruckus cried._

* * *

><p>The next day, out in countryside, Catcher Freeman was sitting on the ground, his hands tied up, in front of three slavers who were supposed to take him to the LeQuint Dickey Mining. They were looking over a wanted poster that Catcher had managed to hold on to. They looked from the poster to Catcher.<p>

"So according to you, you're really not a slave but in fact a bounty hunter and back at Candyland is this guy Smitty Bacall and his gang, wanted dead or alive for murder and stagecoach robbery, with a total bounty of 7000 dollars on his head and a bounty of 1500 for each of his men for a total of 11500 dollars and that if we let you go, you'll take us there, point them out and we split the money?"

"Yeah" Catcher nodded. The three glanced at each for a second.

"Alright then". One of them undid Catcher's ropes and helped him up.

"Here hold my gun". He was about to hand Catcher his gun, but then pulled it back. "Oh wait let me load it first. Okay three bullets in it…no wait let me put in all six. Okay here you go"

"Thank you" Catcher said politely as he took the gun. He then shot each of the three slavers with ease and took one of their horses.

"_Those guys were dumb" Riley said._

* * *

><p>Back in Candyland, a group consisting of Stephen, Miss Lara, Billy Crash, two of his men and two house girls were coming back from Calvin's funeral. They made their way back into mansion, as Stephen continued to sing.<p>

"In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore. In the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore. In the sweet"

"By and by... Ohhhhhh! "

Stephen, Miss Lara and everybody else jerked their heads up to balcony, as someone forward for everyone to see. Catcher Freeman stood there, wearing one of Calvin's old suits and a candle in his hand.

"Ya'll gonna be together with Calvin in the by and by" he said. "Just a bit sooner than ya'll was expecting"

Billy Crash and his two men slowly walked forward, their eyes on Catcher. At once the three of them reached for their guns, but Catcher took them all out before they could even get a single shot off. The other two men were dead, leaving only Billy alive as he gripped the bullet wound in his shoulder.

"Billy Crash. Now where were we?" Catcher paused a moment. "Oh that's right. The last time I saw you, you had yo hand on my-"

Catcher fired once again, this time hitting Billy right in the crotch. Billy now screamed and flailed around on the floor in a mad frenzy.

"Catcha Freeman! You black son of a bitch!" he cursed.

"The proper pronunciation of the word is with an 'er' not an 'a' hillbilly" Catcher replied in a monotone, before finishing Billy off with another bullet.

"Now" Catcher continued. "All you black folks, I suggest you get away from the white people. Not you Stephen"

Catcher didn't even look at Stephen as he tried to quietly make his way to the door. He turned to look at Catcher, who looked back at him.

"You right where you belong"

"Oh, Cora, before you go" Catcher said to one of the girls. "Will you tell Miss Lara goodbye?"

" Do what now?" she asked.

"I said, tell Miss Lara goodbye" he repeated politely.

"Bye Miss Lara" she said. Catcher then blew her right into the next room. The two girls then made a mad dash for the door. Now the only ones left were Catcher and Stephen.

"Stephen, how you like my new duds?" Catcher gestured to his clothes. "You know, before now I didn't know that burgundy was my colour"

Stephen looked up at Catcher before dropping his cane and standing up straight, seeing no point in continuing his performance. He tucked in his shirt and looked dignified.

"I count six shots nigga" he said

Catcher swiftly pulled out a second gun from behind his back. "I count two guns nigga"

Stephen gave him a small smirk for no apparent reason. He stared at Catcher as he moved toward the stairs of the balcony.

"You said in seventy-six years on this plantation, you've seen all manner of shit done to niggas but I notice... you didn't mention kneecapping". Catcher shot Stephen in the knee of his left leg.

"Oh, God! Motherfucker! Damn it!" Stephen screamed as he clutched his leg and lean against the wall for support

"Seventy-six years, Stephen" Catcher continued, walking down the stairs without missing a beat. "How many niggas you think you seen come and go? Seven thousand? Eight thousand? Nine thousand? Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine? Every single word that came out of Calvin Candie's mouth was nothing but horseshit, but he was right about one thing. I am that one nigga in ten thousand"

Catcher fired again, hitting Stephen's other kneecap. Stephen screamed again as he fell down on his back, now completely immobile.

"Oh, you son of a bitch!" he sobbed. "Oh, you motherfucker! Oh, sweet Jesus, let me kill this nigga!"

Catcher stepped right over Stephen's body and took out a cigarette from Calvin's coat pocket. He the lit the cigarette in his mouth and then used the match to lit fuse of dynamite had rigged to the house.

"_How did he get that dynamite?" Huey asked. "You said this story was set in 1858, but dynamite was patented by Albert Nobel in 1876"_

"_Shut up Huey" Granddad snapped. "Michael can have anachronism in his story if he wants"_

Catcher took a whiff of his cigarette and walked out the door as Stephen continued to scream.

"You ain't gonna get away with this, Catcher Freeman! They gonna catch your black ass. You gonna be on the wanted posters now, nigga. Them bounty hunters gonna be looking for you. You can run, nigga, but they gonna find your ass! And when they do, oh, Lord, what they gonna do to your ass! They ain't gonna just kill you, nigga! You done fucked up! This Candyland, nigga! You can't destroy Candyland! We been here! There's always gonna be a Candyland! Can't no nigga gunfighter kill all the white folks in the world! They gonna find your black ass!"

Outside Broomhilda was waiting for Catcher on Schultz horse Fritz. She watched as Catcher walked forward, until he turned back to face the mansion, putting on a pair of sun glasses. Broomhilda raised up her hands and stuck her two index fingers in her ears, keeping her eyes on the mansion.

"CATCHER FREEMAN!" Stephen screamed from inside the mansion. "YOU UPPITY SON OF A-"

BOOOOOOOM!

The entire mansion blew to pieces, leaving nothing behind but smoke and debris. Catcher then joined Broomhilda and got on his horse Tony.

"Hey Little Trouble Maker" Catcher said to his wife.

"Hey Big Trouble Maker" she replied.

And with that Catcher and Broomhilda rode off into the night. They didn't know what dangers or adventures awaited them, but one thing was certain. They were together and they were free

* * *

><p>"So what'd you think" Michael asked, getting down from the table. Everyone had a different expression. Riley and Granddad looked amazed beyond words. Huey had his usual straight face, while Ruckus was weeping quietly with a tissue.<p>

"Oh my god! That was the best, most badass, kick ass, crazy ass story about a black man I EVER heard!" Riley praised. "That Dr Schultz was…A….Bad….Ass ….Mother! If he were real dentist, I'd go to him every single day and I'd be brushing my teeth all the time, cause else I'd know he'd pop a cap in my mouth"

"Oh yeah. That's great-great-great-great-great-great-great granddaddy alright!" Granddad joined in.

"Aahhhh. Oh poor Stephen". Ruckus sobbed as he wiped his eyes with a tissue. "Never in all my life have I been moved to such tears by a nigga. And these are tears of pure admiration and respect. Oh that Stephen's was one hell of a nigga. May merciful God allow him a place in white man's heaven as Calvin house nigga"

"You didn't even mention the screenplay Catcher Freeman wrote or what happened to Tobias" Huey said.

"He wrote it later on" Michael said with a shrug. "And I think Tobias got eaten by Calvin's dogs"

"You probably just copied that from a movie"

"I did not!" Michael said indignantly. "What movie?"

"I don't know" Huey said. "But all of that sounds like something out of a Quintin Tarantino movie"

"Man you just jealous cos Michael's story was better than yours" Riley said.

"I can say for certain that I came up with this first" **(6)**

_Four years later. _

Granddad, Huey, Riley and Michael were walking out of the movie theatres, having just seen Quintin Tarantino's new movie, Django Unchained.

As Granddad and Riley kept gossiping over how amazing the film was, Huey and Michael walked quietly behind. Huey glanced at Michael as he scowled deeply.

"That son of a bitch stole my idea".

* * *

><p><strong>1. I remember that one of the biggest criticisms of Django was how its theme was that white people are evil and they should be killed. So I thought it was a good to satirise the scene where Django actually hesitates to kill someone, just to make fun of the excessive violence.<strong>

**2. He really deserved that Oscar didn't he?**

**3. "We could all be home reading a book right now" Huey Freeman**

**4. Was I the only one to notice that?**

**5. I was always confused about how Calvin hurts his hand. I looked it up and as it turns out when filming the scene, Leo cut his hand on some glass when he slapped the table, but he decided to keep going, so they kept it in.**

**6. When I think about, didn't the Boondocks do it first with this episode?**


	4. Stinkmeaner Strike Back

Stinkmeaner Strikes Back

**Okay, so here's the one everybody's been asking for. The hardest part were the fights scenes, which I hoped turned out okay but then again nobodies probably gonna review to tell me. Also the poll is changed, so please vote for what you want to see next.**

* * *

><p>Deep below the Earth, evil itself was stirring within the bowels of Hell. Inside of a pit of fire, a demonic figure was watching an old black man, dressed in a karate robe, stand within the flames.<p>

"_**He was the baddest motherfucker hell had ever seen"**_

"Colonel motherfucking Stinkmeaner" he said as he punched, kicked and jump through the air in a skill full display of kung fu. "Holla at your boy. I gets money. Y'all gonna have to kick me out of this bitch. I'm having the time of my life!"

"_**He was so bad, he even called me, devil himself a**_... "

"Bitch-ass nigguh!" Stinkmeaner said. "This is how you break your foot off in a motherfucker's ass." Stinkmeaner jumped into the air and broke two vases with his feet in-between two circles of fire. An army of demons suddenly appeared and surrounded him, but Stinkmeaner knocked them all back using a three stick nun chuck.

Once he was done, the Devil laughed and congratulated him.

"_**Stinkmeaner, your heart of darkness has earned you a trip back. You have my blessings to exact vengeance on the Freeman family and to spread ignorance and chaos in the black community. They will be no match for you"**_

The Devil thrust Stinkmeaner into the sky, sending his soul back to earth as he screamed…

"Hell ain't shit! I'm coming to get you Freeman!"

* * *

><p>At the Freeman house, Granddad and Riley were sitting in the kitchen in front of a laptop. On the screen were pictures of a young woman on MySpace<p>

"Mm-mmm! Wow, so she's on my friend's list?" Granddad asked excitedly

"Yep" Riley said with a dull face. "She your very first cyber friend, and your her 3,000,000th "

"Yeah, boy!" Granddad said happily. "I love technology"

_My granddad recently discovered online dating. _

"You should post more pics" Riley suggested. "Hoes love pictures, Granddad"

"I'm starting to feel like Shemar Moore up in here. Whoo!" Granddad cheered. " Boy, let's get some music on. Turn on the MyPod and let's get onto iSpace."

Riley and Granddad soon began work on a collage of photos for Granddad's profile. Some of them consisted of Granddad reading a study or sitting well dressed, with a profound expression. Unfortunately the rest of the pictures were of Granddad in nothing but his underwear and posing …'seductively'.

"Hey, which outfit do you want next, Granddad? " Riley called to Granddad as he took more pictures in the bathroom mirror.

"The leather vest" he called back. "The one with the rhinestones".

"Granddad, I..." Huey stopped once he saw Granddad was in his underwear and was trying to lift up one of his legs, so that he could get a picture of his own ass.

"I can come back" Huey said with disgust and tried leave, but Granddad called him back.

"Boy, get over here and take this picture". Granddad handed Huey the camera and then stuck his ass right Huey's face as he back away from it.

"Now, what's wrong with you?" Granddad asked as if the answer was not obvious. "Why the long face?"

"I had a bad dream about..." Huey began

"Talk and shoot at the same time, boy" Granddad said impatiently. Before Huey could open his mouth again, Riley came in holding up two red jackets.

"Granddad, do you want 'Beat It' or 'Thriller'" he asked. Granddad looked them over for a second.

"Oh that's a tough one. Take them back and get my purple speedo"

"Purple speedo? That's gay" Riley muttered as he left. Granddad got down on the floor and stuck his legs out wide in a pose, before turning his attention back to Huey.

"All right, boy. So you had a bad dream"

"It was a really bad dream about..." Huey started but was once again cut off

"I don't see the purple one!" Riley yelled from the bedroom.

"Did you check the underwear drawer?" Granddad yelled back. He stood up again and pulled his underwear up high like a thong so that Huey could take another picture. "Go ahead, boy. Bad dream and...?"

"It was about Stinkmeaner and…"

"Leopard print's all I could find" Riley interrupted them as he came back into the bathroom with a pair of leopard coloured speedos.

"Oh man" Granddad complained as he took the speedo from Riley.

Granddad then took off his underwear and put on the speedo, exposing himself right in front of the boys. Huey covered his eyes at the sight of him, while Riley started to gag. At the same time, Michael opened the bathroom door and walked in.

"Hey are you done in here, cause I have to use the –oh Jesus Christ!" Michael raised his arms to his face and winced painfully when he saw Granddad. "Da fuck man! Warn a nigga next time!"

"Michael, wait your turn. I'm not done with the bathroom" Granddad said as he pulled up his speedo. "Damn, these things are tight. What was that about Stinkmeaner?"

"He was in hell, and he was coming back to get us" Huey said.

"Stinkmeaner?" Granddad said. "Don't be crazy. Stinkmeaner's not coming back"

"Who's Stinkmeaner?" Michael asked, overcoming his earlier revulsion

"He was this old man that Granddad killed for no reason" Riley said.

"No reason?! That man was a psycho. He almost killed your granddaddy"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Michael raised his hands and looked at Granddad with a stunned expression. "You killed a man?"

"He was an evil and crazy old man who deserved to die"

"And so you just killed him?"

"He wrecked Dorothy!"

"He was blind" Riley added humorously.

"You killed a _blind_ man?" Michael said with continued dismay. "I'm sorry, I'm ….I'm gonna need a moment here to digest this. I just found out I'm living with a _murderer_. In fact I'm a little frighten now"

"You frightened?" Granddad said. "You think that's bad? I'm the one who sharing a roof with a terrorist, an arsonist and an objectivist" He pointed to each of the boys in turn.

"Riley's not an objectivist" Huey said.

"He objects to everything I say" Granddad said pointedly.

"An objectivist is someone who believes in an objective and external reality that exists independent of an individual's knowledge or perceptions of it"

"The important thing was that it ended in an ist so that way went along with yours and Michael's" Granddad said firmly. "And anyway Colonel Stinkmeaner was a menace and I sent him to hell where he belongs"

"Yeah, Granddad's real tough with the handicapped" Riley said jokingly. "He probably gonna beat up some retarded kids next". Riley chuckled as he left the bathroom.

"Yeah, this retarded man gonna whip your little ass, that's what he's gonna do!" Granddad called after him. "Wait." Granddad then realised what he had just said. "You know what I meant".

"You should have said that you were about to beat retarded kid's ass right now" Michael said.

"Oh hey that's a good one!" Granddad said with a smile. He raised his voice." I'm about to beat a retarded kid's ass right now!"

"I don't think he heard you" Michael said, looking at the door.

"Well you should have told me to say that when he was still here!" Granddad snapped.

Michael gasped back away from Granddad, placing one hand on his chest and raising the other the hand up with mock fear. "I'm so sorry. Oh please don't kill me like you did that helpless old blind man"

"You're the one who's gonna need help in a minute if you don't shut up. What?" Granddad looked back at Huey who was still standing silently where he was.

"Oh, yeah, your dream. Look, boy, Stinkmeaner ain't coming back. He can't hurt you or me or any of us. Okay? Now, let's get one more picture". Granddad struck yet another pose, which did not leave much to the imagination.

"Okay you two have fun" Michael said to Huey, as he quickly left the bathroom.

* * *

><p><em>Some people are scared of zombies or vampires, but the things that scare black people the most are niggas and nigga moments. Tom DuBois was as far from a nigga as a black man could be. Stinkmeaner knew that every black man's spirit is weakened during a nigga moment.<em>

Tom was happily driving well below the speed limit, on his way to the courthouse. He entered the parking lot and signalled that he was about to park in a nearby open space, when out of nowhere a second car swerved its way in before him and took the space.

"What the..?" Tom said with disbelief at the driver. "Oh, come on, you nig-compoop. You can't do that! Come on!"

The other man just ignored Tom as he stepped out of his car and started to walk away.

_But a nigga moment can happen to any black man at any time._

"Hey!" Tom got out of his car and walked behind the other man. "That was my space! I had my blinker on and everything!"

It was then that the second man turned to face Tom and forced him back away as he aggressively advanced on him.

"Fuck you, punk-ass, pussy-ass, bitch-ass nigga!" he shouted right into Tom's face. "I'll beat your motherfucking seditty ass, nigga. Don't ever in yo life try to holla at me, nigga. Nigga, I'll pop a trunk out of your bitch ass, nigga. Get my motherfucking Uzi"

The man started to walk away. Tom started to shake his head in rage and his whole body began to convolute violently. Dark rings formed around Tom's eyes as they bugled madly, his pupils dilating.

"What did you say nigguh!?"

The angry man turned around and walked up to Tom once again. "You know what, motherfucker? Eat a dick, nigga. I'm tired of this, motherfucker…"

As soon as he got close enough. Tom jumped into the air and dropped kicked the other man in his chest with both legs. The man fell back to the ground with two foot prints on his chest.

"Oh, yeah!" Stinkmeaner said, looking down on the fallen man. "Look at you! You was popping all that good shit a second ago. Then you got kicked in your chest! You eat a dick, nigguh. You eat a dick!"

* * *

><p>Elsewhere, Huey was standing out on the hill top overlooking Woodcrest with a grim expression. Behind him, Michael was sitting, relaxed up against the tree, looking up at the sky.<p>

"You still upset about that dream you had?" Michael said without looking at him.

"I can't shake the feeling that an evil force is gathering" Huey said with some worry.

"Maybe it's that new show on BET" Michael suggested. "That always gives you nightmares"

"This time it's different. I don't know. Maybe I'm going crazy"

"Nah, you ain't crazy. Stinkmeaner's coming back" said another voice. Huey turned around to see a man appear out of thin air, a man he recognised as the rapper Dennis Coles better as Ghostface Killah. He was glowing in an eerie blue light and standing right by where Michael was sitting. Michael seemed unperturbed by his appearance.

"What?" Huey said.

"What what?" Michael asked, confused.

"I said Stinkmeaner's coming back" repeated Ghostface.

"But Stinkmeaner's dead" Huey said.

"What you gonna tell me? Ghosts don't exist? What the fuck do I look like to you? "

"Ghostface Killah ain't even dead".

"Huey…who are you talking to?" Michael asked slowly.

"You say what you want" Ghostface said. "But that old crazy goofy looking motherfucker is coming back. Your granddad's nigga moment ain't dead yet"

"Well, what am I supposed to do? If death can't stop Stinkmeaner, what can? "

"Think about it. Peace". The ghost (or whatever) of Ghostface Killah slowly faded away,

"Are you okay?" Michael asked Huey, a little concerned as he watched him continue to stare at where Ghostface had been. "Who were you talking to?"

"I was talking to a ghostly apparition of the rapper Ghostface Killah" Huey said, turning to Michael

"But he's not dead" Michael pointed out.

"That's what I said" Huey replied.

"And what did he tell you?"

"He said that Stinkmeaner was coming back and that Granddad's nigga moment wasn't finished yet"

"What is the big deal about this Stinkmeaner guy anyway?" Michael asked. "I mean thought he was just some old blind guy?"

"Stinkmeaner was perhaps the worst human being ever to live" Huey said. "He enjoyed nothing but bringing pain, sorrow and anguish to everyone he met. To him, the joys and happiness of the world meant nothing. The only thing that sustained him throughout his life was his love of hatred. Is it actually possible that his hatred of my grandfather was so intense that it allowed him to transcend death itself?"

Michael cast his eyes over where Ghostface had appeared and disappeared. He then looked back at Huey with a doubtful expression.

"Maybe you are going crazy" he said some uncertainty.

"Maybe, but still". Huey looked back over the horizon again, appearing even more grim than before. "Something's coming for us"

* * *

><p>Back at the house, Granddad was preparing for his online date. He turned on some romantic music, lit some scented candles and was dropping rose petals onto the floor. Huey and Michael entered the front door. Huey walked up to Granddad, stepping on some of the roses, while Michael made more of an effort to avoid them.<p>

"Look, Granddad, I'm really worried about... " Huey began, but Granddad pushed him to the side.

"Watch it, boy. Don't step on my roses."

"Then why you putting them on the floor?" he asked. "Anyway, I know this gonna sound crazy, but I really think Stinkmeaner is... "

"Oh, hush boy" Granddad said dismissively. "I ain't got time for all of that. Now, it's date night and you know the rules. Now, you get in that room. I don't care if you hear screams or feel the house shake like an earthquake. You don't leave. Now, get!"

Huey sighed, realising that Granddad wasn't going to listen, at least not until after his date. Huey, Riley and Michael were ushered upstairs and into the bedroom. Once the boys were gone, Granddad went to get himself freshen up in the bathroom. While dressed in nothing but his speedo, Granddad shaved his face and combed his hair. He then sat down on the toilet, with the laptop on his lap and the speedos at his ankles.

"Well, I'm in the studio with Snoop Doggy Dogg and The Pound tonight. But how about tomorrow, cutie pie?"

Granddad chuckled lightly as he typed a message to another woman online. After finishing his business on the toilet, Granddad was about to get off when the top half of the bathroom door suddenly burst into splitters. He jumped in fright and fell off the toilet, his speedos only pulled halfway up his legs. He looked up to see the sharp end of an axe inside of the door.

"What the...?" Granddad stuttered.

The axe was then pulled out of the door, leaving a small hole. The sound of grunting could be heard outside as the axe was plunged into the door again, widening the hole.

"Who's out there!? BOYS, HELP ME!"

The axe was pulled away again and the head of Tom Dubois appeared inside the hole. He looked at the terrified Granddad with the face of a maniac.

"I'm baaaack, nigguh!"

Tom pulled away from the door and started chopping at it once again.

"What the fuck is wrong with you Tom?!" Granddad screamed. "Oh, lordy no! What the hell?! What's going on? Tom, go away! I'm gonna call the police!"

"Did you hear something?" Huey asked from inside the bedroom.

"Man, I can't hear nothing over Granddad's gay-ass music" Riley said while sitting at the computer.

"Michael did you hear something strange?" Huey turned to Michael.

Michael walked over to the door and placed his ear up against it. Outside he could hear what sounded like someone chopping wood and the sound of Granddad's terrified screaming.

"HELP! SOMEBODY HELP! HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Nothing stranger than usual" Michael said honestly, moving away from the door.

"Maybe one of us should go out there" Huey said, looking worried.

"Oh I am _not_ going out there" Michael shook his head grimly. "You remember what happened last time I walked in one of his dates? I still can't look at yogurt the same way again". He let out a slight shudder.

"I think something bad is happening" Huey said.

"Yeah well, I'm going to go take a nap" Michael said walking over to his sleeping bag. "So don't disturb me". Michael put on a pair of ear muffs and lay down on his bag.

"Look out. New message" Riley said, looking at the computer screen. "Oh, man. It's an old dude with his shirt off. Wait. That's Granddad. Eww, he in the bathroom. Probably just ran out of toilet paper again. I ain't getting it for him, neither. Nope"

"Why would he send us a message from the bathroom?" Huey asked as he looked at the screen.

Back inside the bathroom, Granddad tried to pull up his speedos as Tom now broke through the door. He swung the axe at Granddad but missed and hit the laptop inside. Granddad crawled and hopped his way out of the bathroom and down the hall as he still tried to pull up his speedos.

"What the hell? Tom what's going on?!" he screamed. Oh, my goodness! The man is crazy. Oh what's goings on here?!"

From the bedroom, Huey and Riley could now hear Granddad's screaming and knew something was wrong.

"Come on!" Huey said. He and Riley rushed out of the bedroom, while Michael began to snore peacefully on the floor.

Granddad tried to make his way down the stairs as Tom kept chasing him with the axe. When Granddad was halfway down the stairs, Tom threw the axe right at him, but Granddad tripped on his dangling speedos and tumbled down the stairs. The axe missed him and embedded itself in the front door.

Granddad stood back up in the hallway and finally managed to pull his speedos all the way up just Tom came down the stairs right after him.

"Goodness gracious!" he gasped as he looked at the deranged Tom. "Tom, what's wrong with you? You on that stuff? Snap out of it, Tom. Cocaine's a helluva a drug"

"You don't remember me?!" Tom said." You don't remember my name?!"

Tom moved forward and punched the confused Granddad in the face, sending him to the ground.

"What's my name, nigguh?" He kicked Granddad in the head, throwing him up against the wall. Granddad squirmed as Tom moved closer to his face.

"AAAHH, my name? My momma didn't name me AAAHH! What's my name, nigguh? What's my name?

"Stinkmeaner" said a voice from behind. Granddad opened his eyes to see Huey and Riley standing in the hall, ready for action.

"Ding! Ding! Ding!" Stinkmeaner said. "That's right, nigguh!"

"Mr Dubois?" Riley said in surprise.

"I don't know how you got here, Stinkmeaner" Huey said. "But you're going back to hell"

"Oh, yeah!" he cheered. "I'm going back, and I'm taking y'all with me in the first-class cabin on the ass-whooping express. All aboard! Whoo-Whoo!"

Huey tossed Granddad his belt, which he took with a satisfied smile. Slowly all three Freeman moved in closer to Stinkmeaner. Huey moved the closet and stared off against Stinkmenaer.

"Oh, yeah! You ain't too little to get that ass whoop"

Huey took a run at Stinkmeaner and jumped into the air to deliver a flying kick, but Stinkmeaner blocked it with his arms. He followed up with his own kick, which Huey also blocked. They exchanged some more blows, before Huey tackled Stinkmeaner's lower body, but he knocked him off with his knee.

Granddad came up from behind and swung at Stinkmeaner with his belt. Stinkmeaner dodged him and punched him backwards. Huey came at him again, but Stinkmeaner hit him with three consecutive jabs. Huey blocked the first two, but the third one made contact and knocked him down

Riley then joined in the fight. He ran at Stinkmeaner and threw his fists at him, but Stinkmeaner easily parried his attacks and delivered a low blow to Riley's stomach. As Riley fell to the floor, Huey got back up and flipped himself in the air to attack Stinkmeaner with a punch and kick, but Stinkmeaner dodged him. He then raised foot up and tried to slam it down at Huey, but Huey back away in time.

Huey and Stinkmeaner exchanged blows again until Riley stood back up. He and Huey both attacked Stinkmeaner from either side but he parried each of their attacks. He punched Riley down first and then kicked at Huey again.

Granddad took another shot at Stinkmeaner with his belt, but once again he dodged him and kicked Granddad under the chin. Stinkmeaner then kicked at Huey, but he ducked under his leg. Stinkmeaner then stretched his left leg and right arm out in opposite direction, hitting both Huey and Granddad.

Granddad was knocked back, but Huey countered and then jumped right over Stinkmeaner, kicking at him from the air. Stinkmeaner blocked and then swept his leg at Huey when he landed, but Huey flipped himself up over the leg, but got hit from behind when he landed on Stinkmeaner's other side.

Granddad whipped his belt and wrapped it around Stinkmeaner's arm. He tried to oull him down, Stinkmeaner punched Granddad, sending him flying into the wall. Stinkmenaer then gave a karate chop to the back of Huey's neck, knocking him down as well. Now all the Freemans were down on the floor.

"Is that all you got?" Stinkmeaner said, mocking them. "Get yo balls up nigguh!"

Granddad and Huey shared a quick nod, knowing what to do next. Huey charged at Stinkmenaer but was knocked away. Taking advantage of his distraction, Granddad whipped his belt around Stinkmeaner's ankle. He was about to pull him down, but Stinkmeaner was too fast. He grabbed the belt himself and pulled Granddad toward him, delivering a strong knee to his face, knocking him out.

Huey and Riley ran at Stinkmeaner from behind in diagonal directions. Stinkmeaner quickly glanced at them both as they approached. With an evil grin, he crouched down on his hands and knees. Pushing up on his hands, Stinkmeaner raised his legs and stuck them out wide in a split direction from behind, striking Huey and Riley simultaneously from behind his back with each leg. They both fell back to floor, out cold. Stinkmeaner now stood alone in the living, above his falling opponents.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH YEAH!"

Later, when Granddad and the boys awoke, they were found that they were sitting down and tied together on some wooden chairs. Granddad was in the middle, with Riley and Huey on either side of him. They struggled to break free of their bonds, but the ropes also tied the three chairs together. In front of them, Stinkmeaner was prowling up and down with a sinister smile the axe back in his hand.

"Hope y'all enjoyed waking up, cos it's the last time you motherfuckers are gonna get to do it!"

"Stinkmeaner, it doesn't have to be this way" Huey said firmly.

"Yeah you don't have to kill us!" Riley begged. "Granddad's the one you want, kill him! He old, he'll probably be dead tomorrow anyway!"

"I ain't so old I that I can't hear you boy" Granddad snapped angrily. "Soon as I get up from chair I'mma beat yo ass"

"See? He beats us up too" Riley said to Stinkmeaner. "Ain't no call to hurt us. We're all victims of Granddad irrational need for violence. "

"Oh I'll show you violence boy!"

"I told him not to fight you cos you were blind, but he wouldn't listen. He wanted to kill you just for rear ending his car. He should be locked up. Who knows many other innocent people he's killed over the years! "

"That number's bout to go up by one, cause I'mma kill you for talking that way bout your granddaday!"

"Shut up, all y'all nigguhs!" Stinkmeaner ordered. "The next one of you nigguhs that speaks is gonna get their heads chopped off!"

Granddad and Riley immediately closed their mouths and looked back at Stinkmeaner with terror.

"What's the matter?" Stinkmeaner taunted. "Nobody got anything to say anymore?" Oh I see how it is. How bout I just line you up and cut all y'all down at once and wear yo heads as my own neck chain! Oh yeah, I'mma walk down the street looking like Busta Rhymes"

"Oh please don't kill us" Granddad cried. "I'll do anything you want!"

"I you can shut up and die, how's that sound!?"

Stinkmeaner pulled his axe back with a sinister face as Granddad and Riley screamed like crazy.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"Okay which part of 'I'm trying to take a nap', escapes you people?"

Stinkmeaner stopped in mid swing and turned around with a confused expression. Granddad and the boys looked up to see Michael standing at the door of the hallway, looking annoyed, his ear muffs around his neck. He then stared at everyone for a second, completely baffled by what he was seeing.

"What the actual hell are you guys doing?"

"Michael!" Granddad said. "Thank god, you got to help us!"

"He gonna kill us Michael!" Riley cried. "Do something!"

"Well looke here!" Stinkmeaner jeered with delight. "It's a brand_ new_ nigguh!"

"Tom, what the fuck are you doing?" Michael said, not looking the least bit afraid of Tom's mad expression or the axe in his hand.

"Michael, that's not really Tom!" Huey said. "He's being possessed by the ghost of Colonel H. Stinkmeaner who's come back from hell to exact revenge on Granddad for killing him"

Michael raised an eyebrow as he looked from Huey to Tom.

"That's right nigguh!" Stinkmeaner said. "I'm back and I'm taking all y'all little asses straight to hell with me. I don't remember seeing yo little ass before nigguh, but you welcome to join us. I'm sure I can squeeze yo ass somewhere in the luggage compartment of the ass-whooping express!"

"Okay Tom" Michael said, raising up one hand and sounding a little exasperated. "I don't know what kind of crack you been smoking, but this is kinda Granddad's episode and I don't think we can put up with your shit right now. So how bout you go home, call NIDA and go to bed for a while"

"Oh I already went to bed nigguh!" Stinkmeaner grinned slyly. "And I took some this here nigguhs fine ass, white woman pussy there with me. Oooh yeah nigguh! We had _relations. _I got me nice helping of sum'a that old fashion, cream filled custard coloured pie! And after I'm done here, I'm going back for seconds!"

Stinkmeaner started laughing evilly, as Michael stared at him with an impassive face.

"I'm terribly sorry" Michael said politely. "Could please you say that again? I'm not entirely sure I heard you correctly"

"I said I FUCKED THIS NIGGUHS WIFE! And now I'mma bout fuck all y'all-"

Michael jumped up into the air, crossing the distance between them and punched Stinkmeaner squarely in the face. Stinkmeaner was sent tumbling away from Granddad and the boys. He recovered quickly and looked at Michael who had his fists raised up in a fighting stance

"I don't know who you are motherfucker" Michael growled, looking extremely angry. "But I know for a fact that Tom Dubois doesn't have the balls to bang his own wife. So get ready to piss blood for the rest of ya life asshole, because _nobody_ touches Sarah Dubois!"

Michael then glanced at Huey and the others.

"Oh yeah and I won't let you my kill my adopted family either" he added offhandedly.

"Bring it on nigguh!" Stinkmeaner twirled the axe around in his hand.

Michael moved forward, his fists still raised. He and Stinkmeaner slowly began to circle each other.

"Oh yeah, oh yeah. I got yo number nigguh, I got yo number" Stinkmeaner muttered menacingly.

Still circling, Stinkmeaner struck first, taking a swing at Michael with his axe. Michael pulled his head back, dodging the attack. Stinkmeaner swung again and this time Michael ducked below the axe. Michael then reached up and grabbed the axe with both hands and pushed the back end of it into Stinkmeaner's stomach and pushed the other end upwards, hitting him in the face with flat side of the axe.

Stinkmeaner grimaced and growled with angry at the blow. He brought the axe down at Michael who moved to the side as it hit the floor. Stinkmeaner then pulled it back up, breaking the axe away from the wooden floor and threw it at Michael, who arched himself backwards to avoid it.

The axe flew through the air and was heading straight for Granddad and the boys. It sliced right between Riley and Granddad's chairs, splitting them apart. Riley's chair fell to the floor, but Granddad's remained upright, supported on his left side Huey's chair. Riley now struggled to break free of his ropes, as the axe had cut some of them loose.

Stinkmeaner slapped Michael across the face and then upper cut him into the air. Michael managed to land on his feet and charged back at Stinkmeaner. Stinkmeaner threw another punch at Michael, but this time he blocked it. Stinkmeaner swung his leg at him next, but Michael caught in both his arms and held it tight as Stinkmeaner tried to pull away. Using his knee as support, Michael brought his elbow down hard on the side of Stinkmeaner's knee, causing him to shout and fall. However Stinkmeaner kicked Michael off with his free leg and then crawled on top of him.

"Oh I'm gonna choke you like a bitch!" Stinkmeaner put his hands on Michael's throat and started to choke him. Struggling for breath, Michael hooked his right hand around the wrist of Stinkmeaner's right arm and then grabbed his elbow with his other hand. Michael then locked Stinkmeaner's right leg with both of his own and dragged it inwards, while keeping Stinkmeaner's arm pinned to his chest. Pushing his hips up, Michael then rolled on his shoulders and tilted Stinkmeaner's whole body to the right side, causing him to lose balance**. (1)**

Once turned over, Michael was free of his grip and climbed on top of Stinkmeaner's chest. He quickly began to punch him across the face several times without missing a beat. Grabbing Stinkmeaner by collar, Michael then pulled his head back and repeatedly slammed his forehead down on Stinkmeaner's. After a few hits, Stinkmeaner pushed his palm up under Michael's chin and threw him off.

"Michael, the belt!" Granddad shouted. "Use the belt!"

Picking up the belt from the floor, Michael whipped it out in the air with a sharp crack. Wrapping both ends of the belt in his hands and pulling it tug, Michael circled Stinkmeaner once again.

Stinkmeaner tried to hit Michael with another jab, but Michael blocked it using the length of the tugged belt between his hands. Stinkmeaner threw a kick at him next, but again Michael managed to block the attack with the belt. None of Stinkmeaner's blows were able to penetrate the belt, as if the material was unbreakable.

Rolling around behind him, Michael unwrapped the belt around his hands and the whipped Stinkmeaner right in his backside. Stinkmeaner flung his leg around at Michael, but ducked underneath and whipped at him again. Michael continued to move around Stinkmeaner in a crouching fashion, dodging his attacks and giving him quick shots with the belt.

Stinkmeaner began to increase the fury of his attacks, moving faster and with more ferocity as he tried to strike Michael, who was now finding it harder to avoid him. In corner of his eye, Michael saw that Riley was almost out of his ropes.

Thinking fast, Michael waited for Stinkmeaner to throw another punch. Once he finally did, Michael sidestepped the attack and managed to loop and tie the belt around Stinkemeaner's wrist while his left arm was extended. Ducking underneath his backhand, Michael moved around Stinkmeaner's back and struck him in the right in the side of his kneecap. Stinkmeaner dropped down to his injured knee and once he was low enough, Michael elbowed him in the back of the head, bringing him down flat on the floor.

Before he had a chance to get up, Michael jumped and latched onto Stinkmeaner's right arm, crossing his left leg around his elbow and locked his hands on his wrist in a submission hold. He twisted the arm around, using his weight to keep Stinkmeaner from getting up.

Stinkmeaner lifted up his free hand to try and escape, but Michael reached out and caught the other end of the belt as it swung in the air. While still keeping hold of Stinkmeaner's wrist with his right hand, Michael pulled on the belt as hard he could with his free hand, forcing Stinkmeaner to arch his left arm straight backwards. Stinkmeaner tried to break free, but his arms were completely trapped.

"You aint got shit nigguh!" Stinkmeaner screamed. "You aint got shit, you turd ass, fuck head, pussy faced bitch nigguh! You got faggot ears!"

"Riley!" Michael said as he struggled to hold on. "Hit him with something! Quick!"

Riley ran up to them and grabbed a nearby lamp on the table. He hit Stinkmeaner in the head with it, breaking the lamp into pieces. Stinkmeaner wobbled a little from the blow, but was still moving.

"Dammit, boy!" Granddad said. "Do you know how that lamp cost?"

Riley then grabbed a nearby vase and hit Stinkmeaner once again with more effect.

"Not the vase!"

Riley then grabbed a Chinese ganza and raised it up.

"Boy, not the ganza. It's a collectable" Granddad cried desperratley. Riley ignjored Granddad and stuck Stinkmeaner with the ganza which finllay knocked him out. Michael relased Stinkmeaner's arms as they dropped lifelessly and rolled himself back on the floor in, panting in exhaustion.

"That's what you get motherfucker!" Riley said triumphantly, standing over Stinkemaner. " Punching me in my stomach".

* * *

><p>Later, after dragging him upstairs, Granddad and the boys tied the unconious Stinkmeaner to Riley's bed by his wrist and ankles.<p>

"Why we got to put the nigga in my bed?" Riley said.

"What the hell got into Tom?" Granddad asked, looking completely perplexed.

"He's possessed by the ghost of Stinkmeaner" Huey said. "Remember the dream I had?"

"Boy, don't nobody listen to you"

"My bed ain't the only bed up in here" Riley continued.

"Should we take him to the doctor?" Granddad said.

"What if he pees in the bed? Or vomits? Or shoots a dookie?"

Downstairs, they all heard the doorbell ring.

"Oh, lordy, no" Granddad said in shock. "My date". He hurriedly made his way to the door

"Granddad" Huey said. "Tom is possessed by an evil spirit and just tried to kill us. Lives are at stake!"

Granddad looked at Huey for a moment, before walking out the door. "Coming!"

Huey shook his head in disappointment. On his way down, Granddad pulled on a shirt and composed himself as he opened the front door to beautiful young woman.

"Well, hello, cutie pie"

"Well, hello" the woman said, with a Spanish accent. She then looked downwards and chuckled lightly at Granddad. He looked down as well and to his embarrassment, he realised that he still hadn't put any pants yet.

After finding some pants, Granddad sat down with his date at the dinner table.

"Uh, sorry about earlier. I was rushing" he said, hoping to recover. However the woman didn't seem to mind.

"I think men who are comfortable with their bodies are very sexy" she said with a smile. "Especially men with big, round bellies".

"Really?" Granddad said with excitement.

"And I like to cook. Mostly pork. I like to clean, too.

"Wow. You're not a man, are you?" Granddad joked.

"ROBERT FREEMAN! " a voice suddenly screamed from upstairs.

"Who is that?" the woman asked.

"I don't hear anything" he said quickly, pouring her some wine with a nervous smile.

Upstairs, the boys were trying to hold Stinkmeaner down as he woke up and was breaking free from his restraints. Everything in room started going crazy as clothes and other objects levitate upwards and spun around the bed as if caught in a twister.

"Ain't this a bitch?" Riley complained as he smothered Stinkmeaner face with a pillow. "We got a possessed nigga up here, and Granddad's worried about his date". Riley was then pushed off the bed as Stinkmeaner jumped up.

"You got a date, Robert?! Did you tell her that you got two sets of genitals, a vagina and a coochee?! Oh that's a conjunction!"

"Man he won't shut up" Riley said.

"Gag him with something!" Michael said.

"I'm trying!"

But nothing they did try seemed like it could actually silence Stinkmeaner as the room became more and more chaotic. The three boys back away from the bed and watched as Stinkmeaner screamed and pulled on his bindings like crazy.

"You have to wonder if this will actually discourage Granddad some trying to have sex tonight" Michael said dryly.

"You think you getting some tonight Robert!?" Stinkmeaner screamed into the air. "I already had me some pussy and boy that bitch was begging for it!"

Stinkmeaner let out a long and manically laugh, that is until Michael suddenly jumped on top of him like an animal and viscously started punching him in the face. Huey tried to pull him away but he roughly pushed him off and attacked Stinkmeaner again.

This time, Huey and Riley grabbed Michael by his arms and pulled him off the bed. They struggled to hold him back with all their strength as he tried to get at Stinkmeaner.

"You son of a bitch!" he roared. "I'll kill ya, I'll kill ya!"

"Kill me? Nigguh I already been to hell! The fuck you gonna do to me nigguh!?"

"Oh I'll show you hell asshole! Come on let him up!"

"You want some of me nigguh!? I'll chew yo balls off nigguh!"

"COME AT ME BRO LET'S DO THIS!"

"BRING IT ON BITCH ASS NIGGUH!"

"ASS PUSSY!"

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

"What is going on?" the woman asked suspiciously as she listened to the shouting.

"Oh, that?" Granddad said nervously. "That's just the television. BOYS! Turn the television down!"

"My friends warned me that there were weirdos on MySpace!" The woman stood up and made her way to the door.

"Wait No! That's just the TV!" Granddad chased after her desperately. Once she opened the front door, she turned back at Granddad one last time.

"It's not the fact that you obviously have a man possessed by an evil spirit strapped to a bed upstairs" she said abruptly.

"It's not? " Granddad said in surprise

"No! It's the fact that you lied about it!" she said. She then slammed the door in Granddad's face, leaving him very angry.

* * *

><p>"What happened to yo date?" Riley asked Granddad when he returned to the bedroom. Stinkmeaner was screaming, while Huey had managed to calm Michael down, though he still glared at Stinkmeaner pure loathing.<p>

"She left cause I lied about having a possessed man tied to a bed upstairs" he said bitterly.

"Well in fairness, you _did_ lie" Michael said.

"Shut up boy" Granddad snapped. "We gotta get Stinkmeaner out of Tom or I'm never gonna be able get a another woman to come here again"

"That all you think about?" Riley said, annoyed. "Not getting some cyber hoes? You so selfish Granddad. What me huh? I'm the one going without a bed over here!"

"We need an excorism" Granddad said. He picked up the phone and made a call to the Catholic chuchr but all he got was a recored message.

"_You've reached the headquarters of the Catholic church. No one is available to take your call. If you are calling about sexual abuse-"_

Granddad hung up the phone in frustration. "Damn it! Now what?"

"You is a bitch!" Stinkmeaner cried.

"Okay I have a plan" Michael said seriously.

"Boy, all yo plan is gonna be to start some fire" Granddad said cynically

"Well a fire would get rid of him" Michael countered.

"How would a fire get rid of an evil spirit?" Huey asked sceptically

"Mmm, now hang on" Granddad thought for a moment. "I think Michael might be right on this one. What exactly is your plan?"

"We tear up some floor boards, get a half bottle of bourbon and set the bed on fire"

"What?!" Riley said in outrage. "Oh hell no. It bad enough I got a possessed nigga in my bed, now you want to burn my bed too?"

"How would that get rid of Stinkmeaner?" Huey said incredulously.

"Well once the bed goes up" Michael said. "Stinkmeaner will leave Tom's body when he realises that Tom's gonna die and once he's gone will just put the fire out"

"Mmmm. Maybe that _could_ work" Granddad said.

"You will _kill _Tom" Huey said in frustration.

"Second degree burns at the worst" Michael said, crossing his arms and avoiding Huey's eye.

"And how do you know that Stinkmeaner will leave his body? What if he calls your bluff?"

"Yeah and you end up burning my bed for nothing!" Riley added.

"Well what's the alternative?" Michael asked.

* * *

><p>After making another phone call, Granddad and the boys waited at the front door. It finally opened to reveal Uncle Ruckus dressed up like a priest.<p>

"May white God bless you, Robert" he said. "I came as fast as I could. Let's get this party started"

"YOU GOT BAD CREDIT, ROBERT!"

"So this is the plan? Uncle Ruckus." Huey said with dry sarcasm.

"And you thought my plan was bad" Michael muttered.

Ruckus walked into the house and over to the kitchen table. The others gathered around him as he explained what they had to do.

"Removing an evil nigga spirit from a Negro is as hard as removing the stink of a hunk of shit. We must use these tools that the great god has given us to fight niggas". Ruckus opened his bag and set out several objects on the table.

"A whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron. These things strike fear into a nigga's heart. A job application."

Everybody gave Ruckus the usual cold stare. They then followed him upstairs to the bedroom.

"Avoid conversation with the nigga" he went on. "The nigga will lie. The nigga will make excuses. He will use words he don't really know. If he gets really desperate, he may start to rap or dance. Luckily for us, we have Michael. His presence will help give us the power to vanquish this evil"

They stopped once they reached the bedroom door, where they could hear Stinkmeaner as he continued to babble insanely.

"You all testicles and no shaft. What happened to your shaft, Robert?!"

Ruckus took a deep breath as he shuddered for a moment. He looked back to Granddad. "Oh, yes. There's powerful niggatry at work here". He opened the door and entered the bedroom.

"Who in the hell are you?!" Stinkmeaner said to Ruckus.

"Nigga, my name is Reverend Father Uncle Ruckus, no relation" he replied. "In the name of white Jesus and all great white men who have come thereafter, I command thy black nigga soul back to the depths of hell!"

Stinkmeaner merely laughed. "Is that all you got, nigga?"

"Oh, no, nigga. That's just the tip of this iceberg. Read, nigga, read!" Ruckus opened up his bible and stuck it in Stinkmeaner's face. Stinkmeaner screamed at the sight of the book as the entire bed rose up into the air towards the ceiling for a second and then coming back down.

"Now we need some Michael's sweat" Ruckus said. "The sweat of a white man is poison to a nigga".

He took out a small cloth and approached Michael who pulled away from him.

"Okay you touch me" Michael said dangerously. "And your next outfit better be for a doctor"

"Dammit Michael just give him some of yo sweat". Granddad took the cloth off Ruckus and started to rub it all over Michael as he tried to protest. "This way you get to be important to the plot".

Once he was done, Granddad gave the cloth back to Ruckus. He held out the cloth and flicked it in the air over Stinkmeaner, spraying him with the drops of sweat. The sweat sizzled and burned on Stinkmeaner's skin like acid as he screamed even louder. Ruckus then picked Michael up and held him out in the air over the bed a la Lion King.

"And now with the pure soul of this angel sent down from heaven, I command thee nigga be gone!"

Michael scowled deeply as Riley chuckled at his expense. "This…is so degrading".

Ruckus set Michael down on the bed, standing beside Stinkmeaner. He then picked up a nearby baseball and held it out for Michael to take.

"Now Michael!" he said quickly. "Hit him. Beat this nigga's ass and repeat the holy phrase. 'Nigga get yo black ass outta here'. Only with the strength and purity of the white man's hand can this evil nigga spirit be expelled!"

"Look I'm not going along with your stupid exorcism" Michael said curtly, refusing to take the bat.

"You have to little Michael!"

"Come on man just do it so I can get my bed back" Riley urged.

"I am not just gonna beat him with a baseball bat" Michael said indignantly "I mean I don't even-"

"You all a buncha vagina ball sacks!" Stinkmeaner kept screaming. "I'mma tear you asses up just like I did that white bitch!"

These words lit a spark in Michael head. As fast as a bullet, Michael took the bat out of Ruckus's hand and brought down on Stinkmeaner's face with mad fury as repeatedly started to hit him and scream. "NIGGA GET YO BLACK ASS OUTTA HERE!"

"That's it!" Ruckus said. "Now everybody, follow Michael's lead. Grab anything and start beating this nigga. Use your powerful hand. Let's whoop this nigga's ass!"

Ruckus picked up his whipped and started to beat Stinkmeaner with it. Granddad and Riley soon joined in, with Granddad using his belt and Riley using the nightstick. They began to beat Stinkmeaner senselessly, all the while chanting…

"Nigga get yo black ass outta here!"

The only one who hadn't done anything yet was Huey, who just stared at the scene with disbelief.

"This isn't exorcism" he said. "It's a beating"

"There's very little difference!" Ruckus shouted as he whipped Stinkmeaner. They all contineud to beat him but it seem to have little effect.

"Oh, you nigguhs ain't shit!" Stinkmeaner taunted. "Your mothers ain't shit!"

_Several hours later, the exorcism of Tom DuBois had made no recognizable progress_.

Everybody was now sitting down around the bed, panting with exhaustion. Stinkmeaner still continued to scream and laugh at them.

"Is the nigga still in him?" Granddad asked Ruckus.

"As long as he's black and breathing, he's got nigga in him" Ruckus replied grimly.

"That's it" Michael heaved, throwing down the bat in frustration and standing up again. "I'm going with my instincts here. I'm burning the bed down"

"You can't burn my bed!" Riley said angrily.

"For God sake Riley we have to save Tom's life!" Michael gripped Riley shirt and shook him dramatically. "What's more important here? A man's life or your bed?"

"Unless that nigga buys me a new bed, that nigga can go fuck himself!"

Huey sighed and shook his head at the spectacle. Granddad and Ruckus were still beating the screaming Stinkmeaner, while Michael and Riley now argued over the bed. And so far no solution was in sight.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Huey? You retarded or some shit"

Huey turned around, to the 'ghost' of Ghostface Killah materialise on the other side of his bed.

"You gonna burn this man's face off, and what you gonna say to the cops? 'Sorry, officer, we killed the nigga cause he an evil spirit'?"

"Ghost, it's late" Huey said with some slight exhaustion. "Can you just tell me what I'm supposed to do so I can go to bed?

"Who that nigguh talking to?" Stinkmeaner suddenly shouted. "You got an imaginary friend nigguh!?"

"Can't believe you haven't figured this shit out yet" Ghostface said. "Peace". Once again Ghostface Killah faded away as Huey pondered his words

"Peace" he murmured. "Peace". As soon as he said it, Huey finally realised what he had been missing the whole time. Getting off his bed he rushed over to the others, moving past Riley who was trying to pull can of gasoline out of Michael's hands. Huey stopped in front of Ruckus just as he about hit Stinkmeaner again.

" Stinkmeaner, you hate black people, don't you?" Huey asked.

"I sure do!" Stinkmeaner said, pausing in his screaming. "I mean, I hate everyone in general, but black people especially"

"And, Ruckus" Huey turned toward him. "You hate black people, too?"

"I wouldn't exactly call them people" Ruckus said. "But yeah, I have a deep distaste for Negroes"

"Right. And, Stinkmeaner" Huey looked back at him again. "I bet you hate rap music"

"If you can call that old stink-booty gorilla noise 'music'" he sneered. This time, Ruckus let out a laughed as well.

"Stink-Booty" he said. "I must say that's a brilliant observation, Meaner". Both of them laughed again, but suddenly Stinkmeaner ceased his laughing when a bright began to eminent from Tom's body

"Ah! What's happening!?"

"_I had forgotten a nigga moment cannot be resolved through violence. But where there's harmony a peace a nigga moment cannot exist"_

The light around Tom's body became brighter as his eyes and mouth now glowed. Soon Tom's entire face was covered in a ghostly orb of light that morphed itself to look exactly like Stinkmeaner's own face. The face flew from Tom, up into the air and then out the window as it screamed…

"No, you tricked me! I'm gonna get you, Robert! You used me, nigguh!"

After a long minute of silence, they all realised that Stinkmeaner's soul was now gone. The bedroom soon returned to normal as the morning sun began to shine in through the window. Tom opened his eyes and yawned, finally returning to his own self. He looked at Granddad and the others standing over him

"Hey, guys" he said. "What I'm doing here?"

"Well, another nigga successfully exorcized and/or beaten" said Ruckus happily. He picked up his things and made his way out the door. "I'll send you an invoice, Robert"

"Possessed or not" Granddad said to the confused Tom, just as he was about to leave as well. "You gonna fix my damn house or you gonna have another demon. It's gonna be my foot up your ass".

"Why am I in Riley's bed?" Tom had just realised that his arms and legs were tied at the corners of the bed.

"You know, that's a_ real_ good question" Riley said sarcastically. "Why are you in my bed? All the beds in this house and I got the possessed nigga in my bed. I almost got my bed burned down cos of you. Some old bullshit". And with that Riley also left the room.

"You know something" Michael said, moving up to Tom. "You don't deserve that woman you got next door and if you want to keep her, I suggest you grow a pair. And if you ever,_ever_ let another man take advantage of her like that again, anal prison rape will be the_ least_ of your worries!"

Michael eyed the terrified Tom dangerously and continued to glare at him as he left the room.

"Did….did Sarah have sex with somebody?" Tom asked Huey, who was the only one left.

"Somebody that wasn't you" Huey replied honestly. He then followed all the others out of the room leaving the shocked Tom still tied to Riley's bed.

* * *

><p><strong>(1)That's actually a real move, to throw someone who's mounted on you off. I hope I got it right. Obviously it wouldn't for a child against an adult, but kids can do kung fu in this show so I figured it would fly. <strong>

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and let me know what to do next. (Though I will be updating my other story next) Peace out.**


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